The Balance of Co-parenting & Getting Your Finances on Track

Tanesha (00:09)
Hi, I'm Tanesha

Kiara (00:10)
And I'm Kiara.

Kevelyn (00:12)
And I'm Kevelyn

Tanesha (00:13)
And you're now entering the sister chat. Welcome to Main Event Mamas

Kiara (00:19)
We are here. We're back. Can you believe it's been 52 episodes?

Tanesha (00:26)
Excuse what? It has been how many? We've done so many. Wow. That's crazy.

Kiara (00:33)
52. don't know. I'm a little rusty. Yeah, sorry. Crazy, right?

Tanesha (00:37)
52? That's ridiculous.

Mm-hmm.

Kiara (00:43)
Well, we're back for another healthy life episode. Some adulting, some parenting. We're going to get into some things. We're definitely going to be talking about how to balance parenting roles as partners. I'm going let y'all noodle on that temporarily. And then we're also going to talk about adulting. And that's a little bit more serious when we talk about mastering financials.

being little bit more financially literate as the year winds down. of us may discover that we were maybe not the best stewards of our funds.

Tanesha (01:18)
I'm not Stuart.

Kiara (01:20)
not calling anyone out, just saying. And so we want to invite Kevelyn, our resident financial expert, to help us make some necessary changes.

Tanesha (01:31)
She's like, what? Why? Why?

She's like, what? Who said that? Wait a minute.

Kiara (01:38)
did. You did. We thought. ⁓ That's how we ended up here.

Tanesha (01:43)
That's true, that's true. Okay, okay, okay. Now I do have a question. I have a question though. You introduce yourself as Kiara, but on the screen it just says your main event, Mama's Podcast.

Kiara (01:47)
So with that, okay, what's your question?

I am.

Tanesha (01:57)
So I'm just confused. Thank you.

Kiara (01:59)
I don't know what happened.

I haven't updated it. You feel good about it?

Tanesha (02:03)
I do because it also is

covering your beautiful face. So I just was like, we can't see.

Kiara (02:08)
Thank you. I don't

know what's happening here. But anyway, with that, this is your reminder to hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss any of our episodes. We like to go live whenever, but the only way you're going to find out is if you're subscribed. So you follow us on YouTube or Instagram or Facebook or Tickety-Tock or X or Threads.

or a website because sometimes you never know. I could embed the stream there. I haven't figured that one out yet, but it's coming because we don't want you to miss out whether we're on Tickety Talk or Facebook or our favorite x It's kind of hanging. And with that, think let's start with an area most of us are still kind of figuring out, right? It's parenting.

Now we all know it takes at least two of us to make a child, but

Tanesha (02:59)
Mm.

Kiara (03:07)
The balance of power is a little difficult to figure out. So we want to kind of look at opportunities to see how we can work together as a partnership and not just divide and conquer. So whether you're with your partner or not, it's definitely a challenge, I think. What do you ladies think?

Tanesha (03:30)
Yeah, mm-hmm what you just said is all Sometimes you just want to go But you can't so you know it's always it's it's a beautiful thing when you can learn how to Effectively be able to coexist Regardless of any if you're together or not together, so that's how I feel

Kiara (03:56)
sound.

Kevelyn (03:57)
I think it's definitely a challenge. ⁓ think the one of the biggest things is determining how to do it together in terms of how because you might have grown up differently. You might have had different parenting situations. You might have, you know, ⁓ not done everything the way the other person.

considers to be right. ⁓ And so that just finding the balance in trying to incorporate their ideas, your ideas, and understanding that they are your children together. And you have to collectively, you know, raise them together, hopefully. So it's a whole lot of balance involved.

Kiara (04:48)
wisdom ⁓ you are right in that you are often raised very differently because you know in real conversations we don't want you to be related like you have been separately weird you know what I'm so no judgment if that's your story ⁓

Kevelyn (04:56)
Yes.

Tanesha (05:06)
I I'm about say no judgment, but

there is a little bit. But no judgment because we all were raised differently. But don't want you to feel like we're singling anyone out in particular.

Kiara (05:12)
No judgment, this is a safe space.

We're not single anymore.

The point is, what I was trying to say is that often that's one of the biggest things I hear is that I would handle this this way because this is how my parents handled it. And you're like, well, my parents handled it this way and it sucks. So that was the same when you were thinking, so we're not doing it. So there's definitely a lot of give and take because of your backgrounds and your histories and sometimes your traumas as you grow up and try to figure kind of all that out. So.

Kevelyn (05:36)
Right.

Kiara (05:46)
When you talk about balance in parenting, tell me what that means to you.

Tanesha (05:51)
⁓ You can go first, because...

Kevelyn (05:55)
Okay, I consider balance to be both parties having a chance to be involved in the parenting. ⁓ And what I mean by that is you want to be a team. I feel like if you're not a team, then how can you balance?

Tanesha (06:16)
Mmm.

Kevelyn (06:18)
And a lot of times I think that's what a lot of us struggle with is the power struggle of who's right, who's wrong in terms of their idea of how parenting should go. But I think that in order to have balance, you both have to have a say so in what happens with that child.

Kiara (06:29)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. What were you going to say, Tanesha?

Tanesha (06:40)
I mean, definitely I would agree that ⁓ you need to be an active participant to be able to ⁓ coexist, right? You need to be an active participant. And if you're not an active participant, then there cannot be any balance because it's always going to be... ⁓

someone going to either be in their feelings or a power struggle. And it shouldn't be a power struggle. It should just be something that is just, we talk about. Now granted, I would say this as well.

They always say before you have a child with somebody, you should talk about all these different backgrounds. However, I feel like you can still have these conversations and then once you have the kid, it could go completely out the window, because now it's like, well, I don't know if I really want to do that anymore either. it's a constant. The biggest thing is communication. So it's going to be a constant communication. ⁓

So then you guys can constantly keep making sure that you're on the same team. Because all it takes is for one thing to throw everything else off, and then it takes so much to get you back on the same track. ⁓ And can be different factors that come into it that can throw you off track. communication is definitely something that's truly important.

Kiara (08:12)
I mean, I absolutely agree with both of you. I think the team dynamic, I feel like you can still be on the same team and not love each other in the sense of like, maybe there's conflict, maybe there's drama, maybe there's history, there's he said, she said, we said, they said, whoever said. And it's hard sometimes I've heard and I've seen people get on that same page when they're longer together. I've seen the same thing when they are together to be fair. Cause I know my husband and I struggled with that a little bit at the beginning until it was just like,

listen. We need to be united in our approach because they will try to turn you against each other. So it's really important for you to at least have a baseline of things that you are going to handle a specific way, right? Like if this happens, you'll tell me. If this happens with me, I'll tell you. And I think that is one of the things I had to learn was to make sure that

in order to maintain balance, the same things that I'm giving you, I need to receive back. So if I give you a report about the day and what happened and who did what and where this kid is, and I keep you in the know about who's going to the doctor or who's going to the dance and all the things, then I expect that same thing back. You need to still be listening. Like I was like, need to put your listening ears on and hear the same thing because I'm going to ask you those questions when I come home.

The questions will be like, okay, so what they do for homework? Did they finish it? You know, I was like, you got to start getting the habit of giving a report, which was not necessarily my husband's style. He was like, I, you're fine. Okay, let's try that. Run that back. I was like, here are the seven questions I need answered every single day. Because if I'm not able to do it, what I expect in balance is for you to be able to keep me in the same no. So I don't have to run behind and be like.

Tanesha (10:02)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (10:03)
So you told

your father you completed your homework.

Tanesha (10:06)
But where is it?

Kiara (10:08)
But your teacher sent me an email, a very strongly worded email that said you were through because you have completed no work. But that is a disconnect with the home front and the United front that you kind of need to put together. So I think, like you said, both of those things are really important. So how do we avoid the pitfalls of like one-sided parenting dynamic? I know one of things we just mentioned was kind of communication and making sure United front, but what are some actual tactical things that you can do?

to try to make sure that both parents, or in some cases, double the parents, as you know, people significant others come in and help raise kids and stuff. How do you make sure everybody's on the same page and that you're both parenting together?

Tanesha (10:55)
⁓ I'm about say that's a hard question because, ⁓

Kiara (10:55)
I know that's a hard question.

Tanesha (10:59)
Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't. don't have a...

answer to that one because I mean I feel like I have strive like I was the one who always kept somebody in the know this is what's happening this was going on this is what they doing they not doing this they did it like giving the whole rundown and then when they would go over there I'm like all right so they got homework they gotta do they got finish then it'd be like well did they finish when before they came ⁓ no

So you get to be fun. Well, I'm the one who'd like, no, you need to be doing this, this, this, So it didn't matter. Like it may only work maybe once or twice and then it'll go right back to whatever it was before that. So I...

If it was me in the ideal world and what I would hope it would be just like what we're Like you need to re- like it's almost like I'm giving you a report so now you give me the report back. So you pretty much telling me okay so while they were here they did this they did that over here they happened over here. Um like I need to be able to know I can tag you in. If I can't tag you in then why am I giving you reports? Because what are you what are you really going to do with this information? Other than know the information.

and then I don't get nothing in return. As in, I don't get no information or like, let's say I can't, you know, I feel like, I feel like I may be going off topic, but I feel like if we are communicating and I'm giving you reports and doing that stuff and I can tag you in, so that means if it's the parent teacher conference, if I can't come, you should be able to go and you should be able to tell me all the things that the teacher said.

And it should show in that, cause I feel like that's another way how it shows that you have a united front. Because now nothing can get past no one. You understand what saying? So.

I think I just went on top because I don't remember what the question was exactly. But that is, I'm going to stop here. Because I think I'm going, I'm about to go to a whole other question that you're probably about to ask.

Kiara (13:04)
No,

no, I think that was you covered a lot of stuff like again emphasizing being on the same page. Yeah, and making sure you can tag that other person in. you're wanting someone to have that same respect of giving you the same information, the same reporting to be just as engaged as you are. So I think those are all important for creating a two sided or.

foresighted, you know, relationship with the kids so that everybody is aware of what's going on, everybody's in the loop, everyone can work together.

Tanesha (13:37)
Also to include, could you say something about significant others? So that would include the significant others too. So if each person has a partner and that they're coexisting, right? Not living together. But I mean, like if y'all are like really, because I get so jealous of these people who are really blended. Like they're so blended, like the stepmom or the girlfriend or whatever, they'd be like really like enthroned with the baby mama, the ex-wife, the whatever.

I can call on you, can tag you in, hey, can you help me since he can't do it right now because he had work, blah, blah, blah. Same thing for the husband, the ex-husband, the baby father, the boyfriend, everybody just be able to say this is the game plan. This is what's been going on. This is what's been happening over here. This is what's been happening over here. How can we work together? There you go, that was my question. So, Kev, you can go, sorry. It just popped in my head.

Kevelyn (14:33)
No, no, no, you're fine. I was going to say, honestly, that's like the ideal situation is for it to be like that. Obviously, it's not always that way. Honestly, I think it just takes maturity on everybody's part to be able to understand that it's not about me. It's not about

Kevelyn (14:53)
basically, it calls for all parties to be mature, right? It's not about me, it's not about you, it's about this child that we created that we're trying to rear to be the best version of themselves that they can be. And ultimately, that's the most important goal. So I feel like if you can do your best and your partner, ex-partner, whoever can do their best to understand that concept, then I feel like

We should be able to communicate. We should be able to team, you know, to team up. We tag the other person in. If I can't do it, you do it. We're not raising one. I'm raising them by myself and you just come in when you want to know it should be a team effort. ⁓ But I think honestly, it takes maturity to get to that point for a lot of people. And it comes with having to let whatever may have happened between y'all if y'all not together.

Tanesha (15:44)
Mm.

Kevelyn (15:50)
You gotta let the bygones be bygones. This ain't about us no more. You know what mean? You gotta, I mean, I know I harping a little bit, but forgive each other. Whatever the case, whatever you gotta do to be able to raise these kids together, you're gonna be, to deal with each other for the next forever. Anyway, 18 plus years, it ain't 18 is more than that. Don't let nobody lie to you. ⁓ Right, right, right, Forever.

Kiara (16:07)
Thank

Tanesha (16:09)
It ain't, it's more than that. There's never, that's just when you stop paying child support.

Kiara (16:13)
You gotta be mindful. You gotta be mindful of who you have children with because you're gonna

be...

Tanesha (16:19)
It's forever. Every function, everything that your kid wants both of y'all at, yeah.

Kevelyn (16:19)
You really dealing with each other forever.

It's true. It's true. And honestly, it's like, I don't want to be in a situation where my child resents me because I was so mad at the other person for so long that I didn't raise them right. Or we didn't, we couldn't come to an agreement or we couldn't team up and work together and raise them. ⁓ and if you are together and you're married and you know, communication is not the best or whatever, you got to come together and you got to sit down with that child a lot of the time. But listen,

Kiara (16:27)
You're accurate.

Kevelyn (16:56)
You can't put mommy against daddy. You can't put daddy against mommy. We're united front like you were saying, Kai. And you have to stay that united front in front of them. Because if you don't, ⁓ they're going to play the game all day every day. And they're going to win. And they're going to win. And a lot of times it's going to cause a lot of riff raff between you as a couple. So that's my take.

Kiara (17:10)
And they go away, by the way. They were away.

No, I absolutely agree with you. I think you nailed where I was going to go. I was like, really have to be on the same page in the sense of like, you got to come together from the perspective of like, yep, we both made some choices and we are no longer a couple. But the most important thing is the future of our child or children and providing the best experience for them as they navigate this world.

you need guides and you don't need to make your guides people who are against each other. That will just cause way more chaos and difficulty than what you would even want to see ever. So, I didn't mean you nailed it. I mean, I didn't, you both nailed it from my point of view. But it also got me thinking about some of the challenges parents can have when they're trying to parent together. How do you think differing styles or parenting

approaches impact that.

Tanesha (18:22)
I mean, it impacts it greatly. mean...

To be able to try to be on the same page when you have difference of varying is hard. Because it's never going to be. So let's say I'm one who don't like to hit. Unless it's necessary. it's like extreme... Right, spank. Spank, what's that, corporal punishment? Is that the politically correct word? ⁓ Let's say, but out of like... ⁓

Kiara (18:43)
in life's things.

Tanesha (18:55)
Unless it's like something extreme, I'll use it. But then you have the other parent, and this is just hypothetical, so I'm not saying this is what's happening, but if you have the other parent who's like, I'm quick, and you'd be like, well, now we're teaching them that it's okay to hit somebody if they don't give them the point, right? Like not using all the other skills to come into play. So that comes in a process, right? So if you don't agree on that.

It's always going to be y'all gonna be buttonheads or you're always going to be seen like you are the one who is coming to rescue somebody from the big bad parent. When in essence, they're just trying to discipline their kid the way that they think is necessary and y'all never came to the same conclusion. That's just an example of what you asked. Right, right. Or even punishment, like let's say grounding, right? I may ground a kid. You may be like, mm.

Kiara (19:41)
or the same plan about how you want to handle it.

Tanesha (19:50)
let's still watch TV and then we'll turn TV off when your parent comes, when your mom comes or your dad comes and be like, what are we really teaching our kid? Are we teaching our kid to sneak around and not like respect me as a parent, as a partner, right? ⁓ And we've seen that, there's people out here that they don't get respected as a parent. Meanwhile, they may do everything, but it only takes that one other parent be like, I don't respect you.

Kiara (20:02)
That's right.

Tanesha (20:19)
they ain't gonna respect you, and now we're gonna have a whole bunch of chaos. And you can never function that way, truthfully.

Kiara (20:26)
I I agree with you.

I definitely think the way I look at it is pretty similarly. think about, again, like when I had my kids, we were pretty young, right? But we had completely different growing up backgrounds and expectations. And as I've had to, as we've had to raise these children, there's a lot of times where the balance gets thrown off because maybe you don't know anything about school. So you don't want to be involved in any of the school.

Tanesha (20:37)
Yeah.

Kiara (20:54)
Well, unfortunately, there's about a good 12 years of back and forth to the school and beyond, right? Like talking to parents, teacher conferences, extracurricular activities. If your partner is someone who wants nothing to do with that, it can definitely make the balance feel very overloaded. Like, okay, I'm the parent who has to go to all the things. And what does that tell my kid about their other parent, right? What does it give them a sense of, well,

Tanesha (21:20)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (21:24)
this parent doesn't care or you know, you don't know what that's conveying to them in the long run. So I definitely see that can impact the balance in a lot of ways. And I also think like you mentioned when it comes to like discipline and behavior and things you, you got to narrow those things down. Now, like you said, it's great to do that at the beginning, right? It's great. But I know as a parent, sometimes there's some stuff you don't run into till you see it and you experience it and then you're stuck with the...

What are we supposed to do about this? And I just think it's helpful to have a partner, whether again, that's your father of the children or child or just a partner for you, and then again, expanding to their relationship and significant others and whatever, to be able to have these conversations as a group. Like, all right, listen, this kid did this. We need to get into what it was for how we're gonna handle it.

think those conversations help you navigate it in the sense of severity. You can go, okay, this is level one. Level one, I don't accept spanking. You can be like, I don't accept that. I think that's a conversation. Now, me as the other parent, I might be like, nah, this is my kid. They ain't gonna hear nothing you just said, so that's not going to work. So I rebuttled your suggestion for a conversation. I feel like you need to have these details.

conversations and one of the ways you can do these kind of things is coming up with a plan which we'll definitely get into later but I definitely think

your backgrounds can certainly impact that sense of balance, especially if you grew up with those kind of stereotypes where your mom was home and your dad was working. Or if you don't grow up with a father in your house and your mother was the everything, that can give you unreal expectations of your partner or yourself.

Tanesha (23:14)
Mmm. Mmm. That's

the word.

Kiara (23:17)
Because yeah, I really felt like that came out as, ooh, that was a deep thought. Like seriously, I think like, my mom was kind of always, we were actually, funny enough, I'll tell you a quick story. My mom, we were talking about this this week, about how I learned my work ethic from my mother. Like my mother never sat on the couch and was like, I can't do it. That was just not a thing. There was never a space that I can remember.

Tanesha (23:20)
That was a word.

Kiara (23:46)
in which she just sat down and was like, I give. She was just like, I'm doing, I'm working here. I got this job, I'm going here, I'm going here. I got two jobs, I got two jobs over here. I'm gonna make sure you get what you need, but not extra. And I'm saying, you gonna have to work for that extra. Just wanted you be clear about that, but I'm gonna make sure you have what you need. But it also taught me the sense of like, you can do it. You know what I mean? Gave me a sense of like, I can handle things that proportionally probably don't make sense. Cause my mom was the only one in the house at the time. Whereas I have my husband here.

So why am I parenting like a single mother when my partner's here? But again, it was my background that gave me that sense of like, this is what I learned and this is what I'm doing. But I had to reframe like my mind because he's, you know, he is their father. He's also my husband. how do I make sure I include him? And that required an entirely different shift.

how I started to look at things and even things that I still work on to this day of like, listen, we're splitting the cooking, who's doing what where, we're splitting the cleaning, we're splitting the washing. I don't wash everybody clothes, everybody wash their own clothes. Like it's just, how do we split this up so that there is a balance and that everyone feels that they can contribute, especially from a partner perspective. think. Hey, Carolyn, you want to add anything to that?

Kevelyn (25:08)
No, I think you guys nailed it, honestly. ⁓ I was just gonna say just, obviously backgrounds play a role, but making sure that everybody has a contribution to the house. That's actually what I was gonna say in terms of ⁓ making sure that everything doesn't fall on just one person. ⁓ Because it can. I mean.

And I know it's hard and not everybody has a dynamic where they have a partner that is there or what have you. But if you do, you know, have that, just making sure that you all share the load.

Tanesha (25:49)
That's a word too, because I felt that in my spirit. me trying to let everyone else do everything.

I don't know. I don't know.

Kiara (25:57)
Enough

talking. Enough talking.

Tanesha (26:02)
because I just feel like that was just in my spirit and of course, ⁓

My partner has been trying his hardest to make sure I start delegating and making them responsible. It's a challenge though.

It's challenge. Because I'm just so used to doing it all. But then at the same time, because I'm so used to doing it all, then nothing gets done. Because then I'm overwhelmed. And I'm like, peace out. To the mother east, I ain't make this mess. I don't feel like cleaning it. So I get, but I'm saying, her saying that made me like, yeah, that just seeped in. Cause I'm just like, I don't know. But, ⁓

Kiara (26:37)
Sorry.

No,

it's funny that you said that because I'm going to dive into this. So hold that thought because I think you're going to have to add to this next thing. So I was going to say, because you know, like we're heading there anyway, naturally. So we were talking about dividing parenting responsibilities, right? Fairly. But there might be other life duties like jobs or schedules or our podcasts, for instance, that get in the way. How can you divide equally that way?

Tanesha (26:51)
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Kiara (27:14)
when you have to add another layer beyond just kind of your day to day situation. So I'm wondering like how you might manage adding, you know, jobs like night schedules, day schedules and things like that to the mix.

Tanesha (27:29)
I don't manage it well at all. I don't manage it well at all. It's not funny, but I mean, it's the truth. I don't manage it well at all. I suck at time management. I suck at delegating. I suck at staying as strong as possible. Granted, I say that as now that I am, I don't know if it's because I'm older or because they're older and I just like, fine, whatever, go, go over there. Leave me alone. I felt like I was more stricter.

I was more, that's not even a word. I was more strict when they were younger. And even me being more disciplined in doing certain things, right? I think time management still was a little sketchy, but ⁓ now that I'm just in this different weird phase of trying to figure it out, cause I want to be better. I want to do better for them. I want everything like that.

you have to really look at yourself to understand it. feel like this, you know, I know I came up with this topic, but I expect to be like this.

⁓ But ⁓ I did, but you know, the problem is I skim over it just to make sure nothing crazy is on there. I don't always like read it throughout the whole thing. Or if I did, like I do remember reading it this morning, but I was also half awake and half asleep. So I remember questions. Just don't remember the questions, but it doesn't matter. But at the end of the day.

Kiara (28:33)
Did you read the outline?

Tanesha (28:56)
I still didn't expect, even from the questions, that I would be having a self-reflection right now.

Kiara (29:03)
Well, look at God. But also, if you're feeling like me out there, where you do the work, and your sister tells you, I just skimmed over it. I really didn't know we were going any of these places. You just go ahead and drop me a lie. Because I cannot be the only one out here. Like, are you serious? Is my work truly appreciated? I I do think it is. I do think they do. But I just want to put this out there.

Tanesha (29:28)
It is.

Kiara (29:33)
in you're out there listening to the water heater.

Tanesha (29:33)
⁓ not kevlin doing

the slow eyeglasses let me put them slowly

Kiara (29:38)
That's crazy. That's crazy. Anyway, but I did want to go back to what you said because before you said that last part there, ⁓ where we talk about you suck, you suck, you suck. I want to stop there because I think what's important is to instead of just giving yourself these negative talk of like, I suck, I suck, I suck. I think it's really important to acknowledge it as an opportunity to grow. Right. So like I said,

Tanesha (29:46)
Sorry, my bad.

Kiara (30:07)
daytime, nighttime schedules. So how did I end up? Okay, I told you, we work through, you know, splitting things. Well, guess what? New job comes along and now it throws all of our splitting into chaos, right? So instead of me cooking three days a week, now it's seven days a week, I'm doing dishes, you in the washing machine, when I'm trying to get in the washing machine, it's just nothing is working. Now, instead of me telling my husband, you suck at the schedule,

to say, listen, can we develop a new schedule that he still, by the way, does not follow. But can we develop a new schedule so that we can still accomplish the same things? Because what I want to emphasize there is that you're thinking about this. So you're wanting to get better. You're acknowledging it as a shortfall. But I don't think you stop at the ISUC. I think you need to go from ISUC to like

What are the few things, and we'll get into this actually, some actionable takeaways very soon ⁓ in the next section, where you can make these baby steps to get you somewhere so that you're not just stuck at a stage of, I suck or anything like that, because it's a balance and parenting is not easy, okay? There's some days where I'm like, F it, you're not gonna see me for 24 hours because I'm tired. And there's some days where I'm in their face every minute. Did you do this?

You just, every day is something different. And so I don't want you to feel like, I suck. Because frankly, we all are giving, as long as you're giving your best every day, well, know, the chips fall where they I did what I could. We're not super humans. We are just mortals here trying to make the best decisions. So I want to make sure we emphasize that as well. Give yourself some grace, man. That's all I'm saying. Jeez.

Tanesha (32:04)
That's the problem. That's all I do is give myself some damn grace.

Kevelyn (32:04)
I agree. Grace is important.

Tanesha (32:07)
I give myself too much fucking grace, okay? It's too much. Sorry, I know it cuss a little bit, but it's too much. That's the problem. I have to stay structured. I structure. Structure.

Kiara (32:19)
or

Tanesha (32:20)
And I think, and you all know what, I also feel like with me not working, with me losing my job, my structure went out the window and I have just been like, la la la la la, even more than I was before. Like I'm supposed to have dinner done, dinner's not even done yet. Anyway, I'm sorry, go ahead, what were you gonna say, Kevelyn?

Kevelyn (32:39)
Okay. ⁓ well.

Kiara (32:43)
don't know how we got here.

Kevelyn (32:45)
like this is I'm gonna talk to you about something offline in a good way yeah yeah in a good way but just you know to kind of help out hopefully in that area but

Tanesha (32:58)
No, no, let everybody

else know, I'm okay. It's okay, I'm open book, they know a lot.

Kevelyn (33:03)
No, no, no, I just wanted, you know those things though, and you know that you struggle in those areas, what steps are you taking to amend that to get better?

Tanesha (33:14)
I mean, I have tried. I'm still a work in progress. I need to stay consistent so I can start. I can do it all. I can probably do a week of consistency. You it takes us for one thing for me to throw everything else off and then I go right back to what it was versus just trying to put myself back on.

Kevelyn (33:36)
Okay. What I was gonna say in terms of the original question was I think it's important, especially when your kids are old enough, for everybody to have responsibility. And for it not to fall on just one parent or the other parent or just the parents. I think that they should have some role in trying to like chores, you know.

This is what you're going to do this week. This is what you're going to do this week. This is what you're going to do this week. We're all going to help out. We all live here. We're all going to make sure that, you know, everybody does their part so that it doesn't get overwhelming or at least not as overwhelming as it would be if it was just on you. And I know you were saying earlier about, and this is not pointing to you. This was what I was going to say anyway. ⁓ But I was just saying like,

Tanesha (34:22)
Mm-hmm.

Kevelyn (34:33)
maybe that's something that you should maybe consider is those that are old enough to give them some responsibility so that it doesn't all fall on you and you don't get so overwhelmed. That's just a suggestion.

Kiara (34:47)
and hold them accountable for those responsible.

Tanesha (34:49)
That's it, because they all have. If they come in here, they'll tell you what they're to be doing. They all have that.

Kiara (34:56)
Yeah, I know that. That's why I know. I was like, they do, because I literally had this conversation.

Tanesha (34:59)
They

all have it, so they know what they're supposed to do. It's just, I don't stay consistent with what the punishment is if they don't do it.

Kiara (35:12)
So let me tell you, I'm gonna tell you some advice my mom gave me this week. Crazy, crazy. Because if you listen to our mom episode, you're gonna be like, Anyway, so listen. So we were having the same conversation, if you will, that I was like, I'm so soft when it comes to my kids. Unless they piss me off. And then, ⁓ all bets are off. But most of the time, they follow instructions, they do what they're supposed to do. They do have chores, they do them. But admittedly, when I got swept up in...

Tanesha (35:16)
Okay. ⁓

Kiara (35:41)
a couple jobs ago where I was working 17, 18 hours, I don't think I even paid attention to the house unless I knew someone was coming. Then I was like, time to sweep it all up, clean it all up or whatever. And so I was talking to my mom kind of about this this week and I was just like, it's frustrating because she was explaining how she came to visit and she had to teach them how to clean the bathroom. I was like, they know how to clean the bathroom. She's like, I also had to teach them how to clean the kitchen. I was like,

Not only do they know, they've had detailed demonstrations, days, days of demonstrations, repeated demonstrations. She goes, then why you let her slide?

Tanesha (36:24)
Mm.

Kiara (36:25)
And I just looked at her, she goes, why you ain't just send them back in there? She's like, I did that to y'all. Pretty soon y'all ain't come back out with it half done. And I was like, yeah, I was scared. So I just went and got it done. But it actually like, it hit me when she said it. Cause you know, normally grandmas be like, you just need to ease up on the kid. She was like, absolutely not. Send them back in there. I don't care what time it is. I don't have to wake you up if you did it right the first time.

Tanesha (36:50)
Listen,

I remember getting like, you didn't wash the dishes? Get up. I'm like.

crying and watching dishes with my... And I even told the oldest, I was like, I should've woken you up last night, because you didn't wash my dishes. So, take this as a warning, because next time, I'm gonna wake you up to go wash my dishes.

Kiara (37:06)
But that's the problem.

This our generation would be giving warnings. I don't remember no warning shots. I remember if you don't get out of this bed, don't make me come back here.

Tanesha (37:18)
And my kids don't want to go out. My kids don't like, don't go outside now. They like to, they used to like to go outside. Now my kids are like, nah, I don't go outside. Unless two, there's two that do. The other two are like, So I can't even use, yeah, I can't even use that as an excuse. Like if you want to go outside, make sure your shirt's done.

Kevelyn (37:18)
That's fact.

Kiara (37:31)
What's going on tonight?

Yeah, if you want access. So I did see this interesting meme and I'll get back to my, these are some practical takeaways actually pretty soon. But I was looking at this thing online and it was talking about this lady, she used to change her wifi password every day and she would, they had to earn it for the day. And I was like, how do I?

Tanesha (37:51)
Ooh, they had to earn it.

Well, first off, that's a lot, because then I got to remember what the password is.

Kiara (38:00)
But now, but there's a bit of a... Yeah,

but she knew it. Every day she knew it, she had it, and she would like turn it off until their chores were done. Or actually, no, she didn't turn it off. She would just give it to them. So was like, practicality-wise, logistically, that would be a nightmare because I'm not changing my Wi-Fi password every day. But if I could turn a Wi-Fi off...

Tanesha (38:24)
Yes,

if I can turn it off and on, or turn it off and y'all and then put it back on.

Kiara (38:27)
The problem.

Right, right. So I was like, I should have gave them access to the like secondary guest network. Because technically most of them have guest networks too. So I was like, I was debating trying to figure this out because I was like, how can I get to these kids? Because again, like you said, my kids don't care about going outside, trying to get their motivation.

Tanesha (38:38)
Ooh, that?

Kiara (38:54)
and trying to parent the right way, you're kind of like, how do I get something that means something to them without overdoing it? You ain't trying to commit no kind of crimes. You just want them to know there's limits and you gotta do things. But I was like, huh, I'm gonna have figure out something because we so soft. I mean, I think we're just so soft. We're so worried about messing up our kids, I feel like. That's a whole nother.

Tanesha (39:11)
And listen, we used to love going out. That's true. And I think

the whole thing is we were so, we love going outside. So was like, didn't have to beg us to do nothing.

Kiara (39:20)
No, I'm at anyway.

Tanesha (39:21)
but also we used to

get our ass beat too. I don't know. Maybe that's what I'm not doing. Wait, hold on, correction. I used to get my ass beat.

Kiara (39:25)
You know, I'm just saying, I still remember that.

Yeah, my mom did too. I remember getting something thrown at me. The window scraper, you know, with the ice. I remember that getting thrown at me. I was real lucky that it hit my head. Granted, I think I deserved it. I said something under me for my breath. I probably shouldn't have said, but you know.

Tanesha (39:46)
I ain't gonna lie, because

back then they had like metal on them, so that's a good thing it did not hit your head.

Kiara (39:50)
It was metal and

I'm pretty sure like I deserved it. I don't know what I said that made I was so mad at her for it, but yeah, yeah. Knowing how old I am now, I definitely deserved it. But it also didn't hit me because I learned how to duck. Also an important skill out there.

I wish we all learned some ducking skills, so some of y'all just be out here, it's kinda your way, you staring at it, that's not the move. Anyway.

Let's talk about some actionable things.

Tanesha (40:17)
Hey

Kiara (40:18)
Three practical strategies or habits parents can adopt to work better together. So one of things I mentioned initially was just creating a plan, a parenting plan. Like these are the things that we know are going to be like hard passes and what are the consequences of these things. Now know it requires you to do work, you know, like to kind of hold on to it and...

AI can help you just talk to it. But I definitely think that is one thing that we can use nowadays is to make sure you have that United Parenting Plan. Something you both can or both set to parents can kind of bless and be like, yeah, we can follow this. Because also there's going to be a lot of stuff that happens that is not in that book.

So you might want to at least have a basis, a foundation for where you want to go.

Tanesha (41:07)
New game, new

challenges unlocked at every age. don't even.

Kiara (41:15)
But what are some other strategies or habits you think parents can adopt to work better together?

Tanesha (41:21)
Consistency. Take it from me, consistency. But okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right, next is that.

Kiara (41:26)
Not just that, Toneesa.

When you say that, I'm like maybe creating a calendar for yourself about days that you were on track. So you can actually see like tangible differences. I've seen some charts where it's like, did my gold star, I did my duties, my house is clean, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I went to bed on time. Things that you can be like, because I did this, this was possible.

Meaning maybe I got eight hours of sleep because y'all did what y'all was supposed to do.

Tanesha (42:00)
I feel like that will never happen. Me getting eight hours sleep is never gonna happen. It has nothing to with them. That's just me in general. But I hear what you're hear what you're saying.

Kiara (42:09)
have to problem.

Tanesha (42:10)
Hold on, gotta tell Alex to be quiet.

Kevelyn (42:13)
I think one of the things is just having open communication between the parents and making sure to set time to talk to each other about the kids. Whether that be daily, weekly, whatever it is that works for your schedule or however you and your partner handle it. But actually having that open communication and

Just being honest about what's happening and how you can best handle it together.

Kiara (42:46)
Damn.

just need sugar from that.

Tanesha (42:49)
No.

Kiara (42:52)
Well, I just want to thank you both for being honest and talking about some of these amazing tips. I definitely hope it helps people. We know that parenting requires teamwork or in our case, a village to raise all of our children. As we go through, like you said, new challenges unlocked and while y'all stay on speed dial, but just like any other aspects of life, I think it's important to have a strategy, which is why I want to move on to finances a little

Let's be real here. We've had this conversation quite a few times. We're not exactly always the most financially responsible citizens. And that can manifest in many ways, such as credit card balances or needing to make some different choices and having to work more to pay for things that we did not need to buy, things like that.

Tanesha (43:59)
⁓ she's speeding past that roof.

Kiara (44:03)
I mean, will readily admit I like the shop but I try not to go too crazy. But it can happen. That's my stress release. That's a whole nother conversation. Anyway, the point is, I think it's important to try to consider ways that you can be actionable and like we talked about, take some steps to take accountability and make some changes. So we want to welcome Kevelyn, our expert, to the show.

Well, to give you some background on why we're calling Kevelyn our expert, it's because she helped many people get into homes, which involves some financial steps, as we may know, to get there. So we wanted to just invite our sister, Kevelyn, to share some of these tips that hopefully can help not only us, but our listeners make some better life choices so that we can...

go into 2026 with a better mindset and actions. So first I to ask everyone, why do you think financial literacy matters?

Kevelyn (45:14)
Well, I think it's something, honestly, that is vital to adulthood and the success of not living in poverty forever. ⁓ I mean, if you don't take into account your finances, I think it just, makes for a world of pain for you and your family that you may not have to go through.

Tanesha (45:26)
Mm.

Kevelyn (45:40)
If you just have some actionable steps and just a foundation, honestly, to even know what any of this stuff even means. ⁓ You you can pass it on to your kids. So hopefully they have some, you know, foundational pieces to build their life on. But ultimately, it's just to have a better livelihood so that you don't have to work until you're, you know, 70, 80, 90 years old and you can actually have retirement one day. ⁓

So I just think that it's something that, especially us, ⁓ people of color, that we may not even get taught ever. And ⁓ ultimately, it results in us having a harder time in life than we need to.

Kiara (46:26)
Yeah, I definitely think that's important. I also kind of want to tag along a little bit to what you said because we did talk about that a little bit why this became a topic for the show is because we're not taught this. You know, I found it really strange that there's like there was not a class in school where we went over that. Like I vaguely remember doing like bank accounts when we were like maybe in elementary or middle school or something like that. But certainly not anything when we were older.

Granted, I didn't have to take economics, but if I did take it, I'm pretty sure this was not a part of that.

Tanesha (46:59)
Yeah, I was gonna say, said economics

and it wasn't a part of that. I learned the stock market.

Kiara (47:04)
was going say I think we learned, I was going say I'm pretty sure we learned the stock market, but personal finance I think would be a important class for anyone who goes to a public institution or a private one because I think, like you said, many of us are not taught this and therefore we pick up the same habits of our other family members looking for guidance but ultimately making a lot of the same mistakes. So why do you think so many adults struggle to manage their finances?

Tanesha (47:34)
I think that...

It's one of those people would rather have fun than being responsible. Right? So if you're looking for something, especially if you've had a stressful day, you want to unwind, you want to do whatever, you want to splurge. And sometimes you splurge and you don't realize how much you spend until it's over. Then you'd be looking like, ⁓ wait, how much? ⁓ hold on me. How my bank account set up? got to...

Kiara (47:42)
Yes.

Tanesha (48:04)
move some things from my savings over here, because I wasn't expecting to that much money. Hold on. And you spend it, and then either you regret it after, and be like, or you don't regret it, but then now you're struggling to do just the bare necessities that you need to may do, because now you just got to finish spending all your money on something that was recreational or something that made you feel good and not. I think we were never really truly taught to make sure our bills were paid first.

Like we may have watched our parents, but we also watching our parents, like if we had to talk about dad, right? You know, I don't think he made the right choices sometimes, but most of the time, but you know, it was, well, I'm not going to say the bills probably weren't never paid because that's, that's, I think they were, but I, you can tell money management, there you go, word money management was not there. Like to properly manage your money.

Kiara (48:47)
I don't remember.

Tanesha (49:03)
So I think that's something definitely as a community we all struggle with. Because if we're looking at commercials, we're at the, looking at lifestyles, because sometimes people are also taught to keep up with the Joneses. So if the Joneses over here just got a brand new car and you still overhearing yo hooptie, well, wait a minute, we need to get that. Or, you know, like I remember with my niece, she...

She's like, auntie, you don't understand. I was like, girl, you do not need a blueberry or whatever jacket. What do need that for? Just get a regular coat. No, no, no, because people are going to make fun of me because I don't have it. Or even with me, when I was in high school, my mom shopped at Payless. I had Payless sneakers and Kmart and all the other things. And my older brother would be like, I'm going to go get you some Tims. I'll get you some Nike. I'll get you some Uptowns, because I don't want people making fun of you. So I think.

Kiara (49:50)
and I.

Tanesha (50:01)
when it comes to those type of things, we always want to find something that's going to make us look good, feel good, smell good or whatever, and not think about the bigger scheme of making sure we have all our things that music get done in line first.

And that could be an issue. Yeah, I feel like I'm about to go over there, so I'm gonna stop.

Kiara (50:22)
Kevelyn

Kevelyn (50:24)
I believe that a lot of people don't understand the importance of finances and how they are going to affect you later on in life. A lot of the time, because we're not taught, we do instant gratification versus long-term financial freedom or long-term financial success. A lot of us don't even know what that even looks like.

or how to get there. ⁓ And so I think that's a lot of the reason why adults don't take their finances seriously, which hopefully changes. ⁓ Which hopefully changes because otherwise, I mean, you're you're setting yourself up for failure ultimately.

Kiara (51:09)
Thank

Kiara (51:18)
Thank you, Kevelyn and Tanesha. Those are both excellent points. But I also want to dive in a little bit on something else. So what are some key concepts people should understand to start their financial literacy journey? Because I think sometimes for many of us, it probably feels like too much, right? Like it feels overwhelming to try to figure it out, especially if you made a mess of things, right? But I know there are tools to help you start over. But what do you think would be the first thing people need to understand?

Tanesha (51:47)
budgeting.

Kiara (51:48)
We're gonna get into that.

Tanesha (51:49)
Properly,

properly budgeting. I think that's, ⁓ okay.

Kiara (51:54)
That in fact was our next question. So let's dive into that now. So can you explain

the importance of budgeting and saving for someone who's never done it before?

Tanesha (52:04)
Well, budgeting helps you see what you have, what you can spend, and what you can't spend. And I think the savings part is for the things you can't spend. So saving, like for me, like if I use the savings, I use my savings for me to put away for rent, right? That's, I feel like that's my number one bill I need to make sure is always paid, rent. So I will put a certain amount aside and it goes in my savings account that's supposed to be for rent. Now.

what could also be where your savings accountants, where your bills are. So, so then you are budgeting, you write down what your cost is, your cost of living, right? You write all that stuff down to be able to see what you do on a daily basis. Cause I mean, cost of living is could be daily. So in the morning you are someone who likes to have to have a cup of coffee from somewhere. How much is that cup of coffee compared to if

Kiara (53:00)
depends on whether you're

on the Starbucks or not, or Uber.

Tanesha (53:02)
Right,

but that's important to know, right? So let's say you are a Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts junkie, and you have to get your breakfast or your coffee from these places, you're spending this amount of money every day. So that's your cost of living, right? So then once you start breaking down your cost of living, then you should be able to see how much you spend out of your paycheck.

And if it's sometimes it could be a little bit more than your paycheck, you'd be trying to figure out how you actually did it. But that's because you're not properly saving or putting things aside either. That's what I would suggest initially.

Kiara (53:41)
I definitely, I agree with you on a lot of points, but I also want to acknowledge that technically we're supposed to be living underneath our means, right? And I don't think that that is ever fully explained to you, right? Like I imagine I was trying to remember my first job and if anyone told me to save like 30 % and I don't feel like, I feel like they might've and maybe I didn't listen or it wasn't emphasized or it definitely was something that never even.

⁓ materialized into something as a real plan. And as I think about this as an adult now, I'm like, man, how going backwards and trying to live at only 70 % of your income can be extremely difficult once you've overextended yourself. And sometimes I find even when you get a job that is significantly more, everything else costs more too.

And so it just feels like such a struggle. But I think if it was a lesson that we had learned, or I in particular had learned, to value and the importance of it, for instance, like taking that money away every time you got paid.

then at the end of the summer, be able to give you your bank account with your money, especially as we went to college and stuff like that, that would have been a tremendous help, right? But that was never something that we, or me in particular, I can't say we, but I think probably for all of us, didn't get a chance to experience. Not at all. But that's the other thing, no one explained that you're actually not supposed to be living paycheck to paycheck.

That's what I think. So I agree with budgeting, I also think like the one of the concepts to go back to the initial question was understanding that your income should not equal everything you live off.

Tanesha (55:28)
Mm.

Kiara (55:29)
Kevelyn, do think?

Kevelyn (55:31)
I agree with that statement. I also think that another point to ⁓ kind of discuss are credit cards. ⁓ Because what a lot of what ⁓ basically what a lot it happens like you you don't have it whether in your paycheck so then you just charge it. Which can become a mountain. Over time.

Tanesha (55:39)
Mm.

Mm.

Kevelyn (56:00)
⁓ So I think a part of... Yes... No, seriously, it really can.

Kiara (56:01)
I don't hear this mountain. What's she saying? The mountain Jesus by the God.

Tanesha (56:10)
Like, literally

would put money on there and be like, I need that. So I'm like, swipe.

Kevelyn (56:15)
But

I think it's also a discipline thing, right? Because a lot of the times, it's one thing when you're using your credit cards for an emergency. Like, you you need tires, or and you just don't have it and you gotta get back and forth to work, stuff like that. But a lot of times people use their credit card for things that are not emergencies. Like vacations, stuff like that.

Kiara (56:37)
Yeah, that's high emergency.

But I just want to take, let's take it back a little bit.

Tanesha (56:40)
Actually, wait,

on, time out, time out, time out, time out. I feel like a vacation could be an emergency depending on your mental state. Because if you about to blow a basket, okay, if you about to blow a gasket, okay, and it's either me or you, and I don't want to be the me of, I'm going to politely, oh, how much does that cost?

Kiara (56:50)
Okay.

Kevelyn (56:50)
I'm not negating

that fact.

Kiara (56:53)
Bye.

somebody's convicted in this moment.

Kevelyn (57:01)
I mean, I wasn't trying.

Tanesha (57:10)
Okay, and book me a flight.

Kevelyn (57:13)
Okay, but take into account, no seriously, take into account so many people that do that that actually may not be able to cover the cost. They're just putting it up there. Like with no real intention of even, I'm not saying you or anyone in particular, but a lot of what happens with these credit cards is they use it and they don't intend to pay it back or they max it out and then they don't have it for emergencies or it affects your credit score when you can't pay it back and all of these different things.

Tanesha (57:18)
Yeah.

I don't care. Yeah.

Kiara (57:42)
But also, it doesn't help when you get a credit card and you do well with this credit card and they just increase your limit and increase your limit and increase your limit.

Kevelyn (57:43)
It's.

Yeah.

Tanesha (57:52)
Like first

off, can ask you to give me more because I'm paying on it. Okay. Just leave me alone. I like my little.

Kiara (57:58)
Don't let me get to

zero and you decide to add double digits. Like first, first off, like, and then, you know, what if you hit with back to back emergencies? I'm not saying that what you're not saying is extremely important, but I'm also wanting to just show the other side of clearly why we need assistance because we have no self control because Miss here thinks a vacation is an expense. And I'm over here explaining how, you know, at the end of the day, lot of emergencies can happen.

Tanesha (58:24)
Well.

That's you on the brink of I'm about to lose my brain and I don't know what I'm about to do and I may need to get convicted into a hospital, I mean, I'm just saying, you pick it. I don't regret my birthday. My birthday was

Kevelyn (58:41)
Let me just point out I wasn't speaking about anyone specifically. This was just, this was general advice.

Tanesha (58:43)
No. ⁓

Kiara (58:47)
You can say it, but out there,

yes, I feel as though this is how many of you may feel out here as you're listening to this part. And this is why it's so important to listen to the expert, because we all have thoughts and feelings, and we make, you know, temporary emotional feelings, and we make actions that have long-term and long-lasting effect, which is what I believe she was referring to.

Tanesha (58:51)
Ugh.

Kiara (59:16)
She was not convicted in this court.

Tanesha (59:16)
I know, I know, I know. I wasn't saying

that. wasn't, listen, I'm not offended. I'm what it is. I also want to add in there, since we add credit cards, we need to add what they have now. Affirm, Klarna and Afterpay, and all these other people.

Yeah.

Kiara (59:32)
just going to say I am very pleased though. I used this one time and paid it off because I recognize that that is dangerous.

Tanesha (59:34)
I mean, they are a blessing.

It's very dangerous.

Kiara (59:42)
I recognize that that is dangerous, but it was going to be our trip and it was going to be awesome. anyway, all that to say, there's other things that you're combating besides credit cards, Kevelyn So what do you do when you're faced with other things like the affirms and the Klarna and the other things? Is this the same principle of just understanding what you can pay for now? ⁓

Tanesha (59:49)
Yeah.

Kiara (1:00:05)
What would you recommend in a situation like that? Are you talking about you can use a credit card and consider, like I think I've heard advice that you, whatever you charge on your credit card, you have to pay off by the end of the month. Like what are some things that you think would actionably help us start piecing together ⁓ our finances and ultimately our future, right?

Kevelyn (1:00:26)
So the goal for your credit cards is to keep it between 10 to 30 % utilization. That sounds really hard in today's economy. ⁓ But that is a way to keep your scores up. But yes, if you have to use your credit card, use it. I'm not saying don't. Emergencies happen, right?

but you wanna take into account that you don't necessarily have to pay it all off, but you wanna make sure that you're at least paying half, if you can. Because the whole point behind it is what you don't want to happen is for your utilization to go 50, 60, 70, 80%, and then you can't get it back down. That's the issue.

So you wanna make sure whatever you're gonna put up there, it's really just about the utilization versus the actual amount. Does that make sense?

Kiara (1:01:25)
Yes, it does.

Tanesha (1:01:27)
Yeah, if I remember, we're supposed to leave it at least, it's supposed to be 30 % of the credit that you have. Right, lose.

Kevelyn (1:01:33)
30 %

should be hopefully your max if you can to keep your credit scores where you want them to be. And I mean, obviously I get it, and life happens, but that's the goal.

Kiara (1:01:48)
Yeah, now I want to dive a little bit into you. We're going to walk away from this a little bit to talk a little bit more about homeownership, right? Because I think, like we talked about, you've been more of an expert at helping people get their finances in line to look towards homeownership. So I do want to spend a little time chit chatting about that. How does your financial picture play a role in looking at homeownership? I know it's not necessarily everybody's journey, but I know as someone who has always been a bit curious about how that works.

love just kind of quick thing to go over now.

Kevelyn (1:02:22)
Yeah, so the goal with your finances obviously is hopefully to one day own something, right? ⁓ Which obviously, home, owning a home is the biggest purchase you're probably going to make in your lifetime. ⁓ So the importance there in terms of your finances and the role that it plays is it's honestly, it's everything. When a lender is looking at you for a possible loan,

They're going to want to see your bank statements. They're going to want to see your credit. They're going to want to see your taxes a lot of the time. So file them. They're going to want to ⁓ see, obviously you have to have your W-2 income. You have to have your pay stubs. You have to have all of those different things to be able to even qualify for a traditional loan. So in terms of like, for instance,

like for your bank statements. A lot of the times they don't want to see you in the negative. So if you are consistently in the negative, that's a red flag for someone that's trying to buy a Also, when it comes to your credit report, they don't want to see a whole bunch of late payments. Obviously, there are some things that you can explain away. You know, there may have been a time that, you know, you may have lost your job for a couple of months, got back together and

caught up that type stuff. But they look at that stuff. They look at lay payments. They look at collections. They look at basically your story, your financial story to see if this is something that you should even embark on or even if something that they obviously the bank has given you money so they have to trust that you're going to be able to pay it back. ⁓ So, you know, they look at those things. ⁓ Also, obviously scores matter depending on

what loan program you want to go with. A lot of the times they have options for like a USDA loan, which is like a 0 % down loan, but they have credit requirements and income requirements. So you have to make a certain amount and then you have to have your credit score at a certain level, depending on, you know, ⁓ what price point you're looking at. So there's a lot of different things that go and play a factor in the home buying process.

so to speak, but the first things first is you gotta make sure that you can pay your bills on time. ⁓ That's number one, paying your bills on time ⁓ and making sure that you even, that you know what's on your credit. If you've never looked at your credit report, that's a good way, that's a good place to start. ⁓ You know, pulling your credit report, looking at Equifax, TransUnion. ⁓

Kiara (1:05:04)
That's it.

Kevelyn (1:05:15)
and experience and see and making sure that all everything on there is actually accurate. You can pull your credit report one time a year for free. So you have that option and just actually check in to make sure that all of it's accurate. if it's not disputing those things before you even try to go home, buy a process and get disappointed or what have you because credit karma said it was at a 700 and you're really at a 630.

or something like that. know what mean? Yeah, because credit karma is not reliable, y'all. Just so y'all know, don't trust credit karma. Please and thank you.

Kiara (1:05:47)
I was going to mention that at the time, was like,

Yeah.

Okay. That was her TED talk.

Tanesha (1:05:56)
I was gonna

ask you, when they are pulling these things, what are they looking for exactly? Other than seeing that you could pay, but what are they looking for specifically in your ⁓ taxes and what they're looking for specifically in your bank statements and stuff like that? What are they looking for that we should be aware of? If you wanna...

Kevelyn (1:06:18)
So your bank statements,

they're gonna... I'm sorry.

Tanesha (1:06:21)
No, I'm like for the ones who may want to go on this journey, like so they know exactly like what is being looked upon when they do provide these documents.

Kevelyn (1:06:31)
So a lot of the time it's your debt to income, right, that they're looking for. So debt to income basically means how much am I obligated to have to pay out a month versus how much I'm actually bringing in. ⁓ And a lot of the time they want your debt to income to be below a certain level. At least a lot of the time it's below like 50%, 60 to 50%, I would say, for a lot of these loan programs.

Tanesha (1:06:45)
Mmm.

Kevelyn (1:06:59)
And so what they look at at your bank statements is they look to see if you're in that negative every month, they obviously know that your debt to income is not what you're claiming. Right? ⁓ And then also when they look at your credit report, they can see all the debts that you owe. That's why they look. Based off, and then they look at your W-2 and your taxes to see what you actually make. And then based off those two things, they tell you whether you qualify to even have a mortgage.

Tanesha (1:07:08)
Mmm.

Kevelyn (1:07:30)
and then how much of a mortgage you qualify to have. Does that make sense?

Kiara (1:07:36)
Yeah, it definitely does. I mean, I think that was extremely helpful because home ownership is a lot of people's dream, right? And I think Kevelyn has been a great expert on this topic as she helped many people in her role as a realtor in a tycoon.

Tanesha (1:07:53)
She sure did.

Kiara (1:07:56)
and the broker to help people realize that particular dream. But to just kind of come back around, I do want to talk about a couple habits that I've started to do to just start managing my finances better. And the long one, whether you want to buy a home or just be more financially present with your fake account and your choices. Some of the things I've started to do is creating a budget to see exactly where my money goes.

Kevelyn (1:07:56)
Aw, thank y'all.

Kiara (1:08:23)
each month. think also another thing to consider is automating your savings. That's an easy thing. My husband does it all the time and I'm like, why are you doing this? But at the same time, mean, he has always has money in his savings, so I can't really say anything about that, can I? It actually kind of works out. And sometimes it's the little bit that counts. Maybe that's that $20 you don't want to spend on a Starbucks coffee and a scone. Maybe you just want to move that money over.

Or also I learned to make chai tea lattes at my house with my own kettle and my own frother and avoid that $8 charge. I still occasionally, you what mean, give me a good chai tea latte, but not from Barnes and Noble because whoever made my last one, it was awful. Had to make another one just work through what had happened to me. was hella pricey. But thank you for helping break down financial literacy, Ketelin. I think there was a lot we covered and I'm sure we'll continue talking about it. But today we learned a lot.

from the parenting perspective and certainly from financial literacy. We learned about teamwork and communication. We learned about habits that can prove all the things between parenting and working together, whether you're together or not. And then also some really accessible things about how to manage your finances. I want to find out what our audience thinks about this episode. I want to ask you what worked for you in balancing parenting roles that we did not cover.

What are some financial tips you think we need to do? Because obviously we had excuses for days why we could not listen to the expert. But what would you say to us? We welcome feedback either in our comments or also on our website. This is my opportunity to remind you that you can follow us on YouTube, where you can subscribe. Hit that button right now if you didn't. Or anywhere you listen to Plot in the Past, which I'm going let Tanesha tell you where you can also listen to.

Tanesha (1:10:23)
So you can listen to us on iHeartRadio, on Amazon Music, on Amazon Audible, on Apple Podcasts, on Pocket Podcasts, on Spotify, and YouTube Music.

Right? That was everybody. Okay, thanks.

Kiara (1:10:36)
And you can... That was it, you did a great job. Excellent work.

And then you can also visit our website because that's where we keep all of our content, right? So you can follow us at maineventmamaspodcast.com where you can dive into our latest blogs. We some new surprises coming up this week. Some jewels from last week's episode. And where you can find all of our videos in case you you're not following us on Instagram or Tikety Talk or X or Facebook or...

threads

And I know they can follow us individually, Tanesha. So where can they?

Tanesha (1:11:10)
So you can follow me, Tanesha, at Tanesha underscore mama pod on TikTok and on Instagram. You can follow Kiara at Kiara mama pod on Instagram and on Facebook. And then on Twitter on on X you can find, follow her at content vixen and Kevelyn you can't follow yet. So don't worry about it. We'll let you know when you can. ⁓

Kiara (1:11:32)
We will. We'll keep you updated.

I to thank my sister.

Tanesha (1:11:35)
You wanna follow, you don't

wanna follow her, you follow Main Event Mamas on Instagram. That's how you follow her.

Kiara (1:11:40)
That's right.

You want to send her a message? MainEventMamas at gmail.com. That's about as close as y'all getting. We appreciate you though. We want thank all of y'all for interacting, following, liking, and sharing. I want to thank my sisters for being so open and honest and candid today. Yes, Tanesha.

Tanesha (1:11:59)
You forgot something. You didn't talk about Patreon.

You can be a part of our Patreon. Our Patreon.

Kiara (1:12:06)
Yeah,

I haven't gotten there yet. Yes, that was it. We have community. Yes.

Tanesha (1:12:09)
⁓ okay.

Kiara (1:12:12)
We have two communities for you to join us as Tanesha just mentioned about this time. You'll probably see them on the screen. We do have our Patreon where you can donate to the cause or become a free member and get all these backstage stuff because we got stuff to talk about this week. So if you're used to our wrestling episodes and you're like, hey, I got questions. We got full gear this week. Who you picking, who you not picking? Well, stop by our Patreon and you'll get an email notifying you when my picks come up because you know we all have them.

And then we have our free Facebook squad where you can absolutely just catch up with us. We can send messages about the latest news we done heard, what's gonna happen on Monday Night Raw, how we survived Dynamite or NXT's Gold Rush, cuz I have thoughts, so many, that you can find about tomorrow. And with that, I wanna say, we're not new to this.

Tanesha (1:13:06)
We're so true to this, and this was Main Event Mamas. Ow!

Kiara (1:13:11)
Woof