Birthdays, Backpacks, and Burnout

Kiara (00:02.946)
Hi, I'm Kiara

Tanesha (00:05.086)
and I'm Tanisha and you're now entering Sister Chat. Welcome to Event Mamas.

Kiara (00:10.702)
Woop woop We can woop woop today. Because you know. It's a little late, but we're super excited to come back to you guys. We're back with a parenting adulting episode. Something we've missed for a little bit. I want to remind you that if you missed out, we've had, we dropped an episode this Monday, America's Next Top Model, the trial of timer banks, Mama's Time Out. So there's still other ways for you to stay in contact with us in between time and the meantime. But.

Tanesha (00:11.946)
Woo woo.

Kiara (00:40.898)
There was a big celebration this week.

Tanesha (00:45.19)
It was your birthday.

Kiara (00:47.69)
It was my birthday, that's right. And we're gonna jump into our adulting topic right after I remind you that this is your moment to hit that subscribe button and wherever you're currently watching and or listening to us on. And with that, it was my birthday.

was my birthday and strangely enough

It was a rough one. It was a rough one for me, I feel like. I think birthdays are really weird for me. Like, I think as you get to a certain age, it's less about, yay, and more about, Like, it's not a bad thing. It's just not as exciting as when you are younger. Because you know, we were so ready to be adults. Now that we're here, I'm like, I want to refund.

Tanesha (01:19.124)
Hmm. Why so?

Tanesha (01:33.032)
Mmm.

Tanesha (01:44.17)
You know what? You ain't lying. You are not lying.

Kiara (01:50.86)
Yeah. But I was a little blue, you know what mean? Despite having like a really fun, like I was out of town. I went to a wrestling event for the first time. I should have been super excited. And I was just like, hmm. So I felt a little blue. Did that ever happen to you on your birthday? Or are you like, yay birthday, celebrate me.

Tanesha (02:07.475)
Hmm.

Tanesha (02:12.617)
I I think there times, yes. But, well.

Well, no, yeah, this time. I think I fell a little.

blue once my date came. I wasn't blue when it was coming. I think I got blue on my day Like, it was like a little weird. Like, I think I was expecting more and I didn't get it. Like you said, like we want the, we want the, And then we don't get it, you're just like.

Kiara (02:42.165)
yes, I remember.

Kiara (02:50.99)
Hahaha!

Tanesha (02:51.561)
Am I too old for this now? I'm not quite sure. Because you're right, like when we were like 18, 19, 20, 12, 22, we were like...

Kiara (02:55.127)
little bit.

Girl, we turned up. It was the biggest day ever. But now it's just like, it's like it's...

Tanesha (03:00.882)
you

Tanesha (03:04.529)
But I feel like when we turned 40, we were excited. I don't think we had blues when we turned 40.

Kiara (03:09.678)
No, actually which I'm like You know, so I will tell you I did do something really different so I bought a cake but it was small because I'm like we don't need bunch of cake in this house and so I bought tiny cake and then like this is the first year I did not put a number on the cake It just said it had a happy birthday candle and I like as I and I that was not actually intentional I was going to buy numbers, but as I was

Tanesha (03:11.977)
So this is.

Kiara (03:37.122)
going around the store I must have lost one and so I just didn't buy any number and because I wasn't gonna go back and find it. No, why do that? The line's crazy as it is. And so I thought about it like should I go back and get another one and immediately was like no, this is it now. I feel like once you get to that age you're like, yeah you don't need no numbers. I'll get numbers when it's a big like milestone. You know what saying?

Yay. But right now it's just one more number after a milestone. I think it's just one little number.

Tanesha (04:11.753)
To be fair, I don't even think I even made me a or got me a cake. Wait, no, I did make me a cake. But did I put candles on the cake? No, I didn't blow it out. I didn't make a wish. I didn't do anything. I remember I made a cake, but I wasn't the one eating it. These kids were.

Kiara (04:22.092)
You didn't? You didn't make a wish?

girl. Now the wish is required.

Kiara (04:35.326)
That's why I got small cake. So I get everybody a slice and then I put the rest of the tiny cake in my fridge. So and then I proceeded to eat it the next day like because I was like it's my birthday cake I can if I want to. So I did. I did. And it's gonna be a minute for I cake again so it's really important for me to just enjoy. I don't even have cookies this week like it is a rough one. We're over here with yogurt and cheese and grapes again. That's where we are. Anyhow.

The reason why I asked you about this particular question is did you know that it's a documented statistical phenomenon called the birthday effect?

Tanesha (05:10.717)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (05:21.017)
No, I didn't know that.

Kiara (05:23.468)
Yeah, me either. Where your physical and mental health are impacted by your big day. It acts as a temporal landmark, the border between old you and new you. Crazy, right? So as I did a little research on this, because I was like, wow, that's crazy. There was some more darker research that I just didn't want to bring up. I was like, we're going to delete that. There was apparently some weird.

Tanesha (05:35.049)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm. That's weird.

Kiara (05:49.624)
statistics about more people dying close to their birthday and why that might happen. And I was like, nah, we're not going to talk through that. So instead, we're going to talk through this birthday effect. And if you find yourself like me, messed up, or the week of your birthday. And by the way, why is it that everybody else's birthday around your birthday suddenly becomes a thing? Because I have been in like eight meetings in the last seven days and everybody has a birthday around now. Like, it's crazy.

Tanesha (06:18.925)
I feel like I've always had that. I remember even like in middle school it was like me, somebody else, then somebody else, then somebody else, then somebody else always said 31st and then it was like okay. I knew somebody who was born every day after my birthday.

Kiara (06:37.678)
I didn't. At all. Like I was trying to think about that. was like, I didn't meet somebody who had my birthday when we went to college. Shout out to Aquila. Girl. That was the best thing ever. And then after that, like when I worked at my previous job, there was somebody's birthday either the day before or the day after. I dated a guy whose birthday was like the week before.

Tanesha (06:58.473)
Mm.

Tanesha (07:04.723)
Well, that had to be interesting.

Kiara (07:07.926)
I discovered me and Pisces are a no go

I also was born on the cusp of Pisces and Aries, so I think that makes me naturally someone who's like, man. Both of us can't be emotional. We can't be that in touch. One of us has to be egotistical. So that's best way to put it. Anyway, nonetheless.

Tanesha (07:32.808)
Yep.

Kiara (07:34.062)
It's fine, it's fine. I know who I am. I also didn't have a chance to tell you this story real quick because I was talking to someone today and they go, I've discovered something about you.

He was like, everything is yours, yours, yours in your house. And I was like, yes. He goes, that's not selfish. I said, my selfish matches my husband's selfish. Because it never used to be like that. I was like, I used to be like ours and we, and then like, he was like, no, yours and yours. And so then I started doing it and he has his and his. And so our selfishness, I guess, matches. I thought it was such a funny like topic.

Tanesha (07:58.344)
Mm.

Kiara (08:17.486)
Because the guy was like, I don't know if this is appropriate to say it. I'm like, it absolutely is because it didn't make me feel no kind of way. Because I was like, actually, I was not that way. But that's how my house is.

Tanesha (08:27.069)
That's how it works. I think I'm opposite. I get offended. Yeah, because I get offended when you be like, well, I am mine and I am like, work.

Kiara (08:33.664)
everything's ours and we and.

Kiara (08:38.892)
Mine?

Kiara (08:44.622)
See, I feel like I used to be, I used to, and then like one day my husband sat me down and was like, nah. Like he's like, no, it really is yours. Like you need to own that because it's yours, like not ours. So now I'll be like your child, but I do feel like that's slightly different. I'm like, that means that child is.

Tanesha (09:05.159)
I mean, I feel like that's different too because I, you know, I can't talk too loud because my mom's here. But if she gets on my nerves, I'd be like, so your mom did X, Y, and Z.

Kiara (09:14.903)
yeah, I do that too. I'm like, guess what your mama did today? so anyway, that takes us back to it. Anyway, so I will tell you.

Tanesha (09:20.713)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (09:23.98)
During this time, people kept asking me, like, why are you feeling blue? I'm like, I don't know. So I explained to somebody, said, I feel like you start thinking about your life. Like, this is another 365 days from the previous time. What has changed? What's improved? What's gotten worse? Like, I feel like it gave me, I started comparing to where I thought I'd be versus where I am.

Tanesha (09:25.886)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (09:36.425)
Hmm.

Tanesha (09:51.463)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Kiara (09:53.612)
And think that also helped with the spiral of it all. And then I found out that was also part of the birthday effect.

Tanesha (09:57.149)
That makes sense.

Tanesha (10:02.236)
Only that makes sense.

Kiara (10:02.614)
And then, I mean, it did, but then I was like, have I done this before? Like, no? And I'm usually pretty chill on my birthday. just wanna like, typically, you know, I do my thing. go like, I never work on my birthday ever. So I always like go do something fun for myself and be like alone and at peace with no one calling or asking me anything.

Tanesha (10:24.265)
You see, I used to be that way. And now I don't because that's when I actually get my celebration. Well, when I used to work where I worked, they would make sure I had my cake and sing to me and be like, yay. It was all about me in that moment. So I would actually go to work on my birthday so I can get the B moment.

Kiara (10:35.914)
yes, yes.

Yes, I did too.

Kiara (10:47.789)
Really?

Yeah, no, no. I never work on my birthday. So they would either do it the day before or the day after. But I got some really cool stuff. out to my Engle Martin family. They were pretty awesome. There was a telenovela. There was like a telenovela on my wall one day, like a cover. Because they knew how much I loved those TV shows. And then I had another boss who bought me a mug that was like, my life is a telenovela or something. And I was like, yep.

Tanesha (10:55.977)
Mm.

Tanesha (11:01.233)
You know, see.

Kiara (11:17.902)
Actually, sure, accurate. So I mean, I just thought it was interesting that like, this was all part of this birthday effect I had never heard of before. Because I just thought like, it did happen. Because another thing to think of is this thing called the nine-ender phenomenon, where ages like 39 and 49 feel like a crisis. And research shows that there's a massive spike in an existential

Tanesha (11:27.965)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (11:47.79)
quite stressed as we, okay, let me say that again, cause I moved into that. So research shows a massive spike in an existential stress as we rush to find meaning before a new decade. Did you experience that before like the big birthday?

Tanesha (12:04.361)
So, as you said that, I did feel like I experienced that when I was 39. I felt like I was going through a little midlife crisis. Hence why I was like, I'm gonna go away from my birthday. Screw y'all and everybody, I don't care. This is what I'm doing. But I also feel like too at that time is when we got laid off, well I got laid off. And it was just like, so it was just like, it was a whole bunch of me was like, well.

Kiara (12:21.488)
yes, yes, I remember that.

Kiara (12:26.315)
Yes, yeah, and then I got laid off right after

Tanesha (12:33.821)
It's time to figure out where I'm at. So, F y'all.

Kiara (12:40.11)
That's crazy, but also, I don't, like I'm like, I just didn't, I didn't feel that way, I guess.

Tanesha (12:45.769)
Like I wanted everything. Really? I feel like I wanted everything. I wanted to do everything. Like I wanted to... You know how they have those bucket lists? Now granted, I don't have a bucket list. I just think... I just go with the flow. Like whatever pops in my head, I'm like, I should do that. And then sometimes it's a good idea, sometimes it's not good idea. You know what saying? I think what I should have did was went ziplining, but I didn't. But...

Kiara (12:52.206)
Really?

Kiara (12:59.566)
I was gonna say, do you have?

Kiara (13:07.191)
He

Tanesha (13:13.575)
But there's things where I just felt like, like, yeah, we can get five tattoos. I'll do it. Or like, I was down for anything just because I felt like I needed to be down for anything. It was like a weird, this thing, think once it was like the time freed up. So now I got all this time and my birthday is coming. It was just like, well, we just need to grab.

That's why I I felt like definitely that was like a midlife crisis in that moment of time because it was just like YOLO.

Kiara (13:43.416)
Do everything.

Kiara (13:54.552)
my gosh. So I think that's really funny because I'm like, I did not experience that at all. I think I was so into like savings, but you know, there was a lot of stuff going on family wise at that time too. So I was like, you know, I didn't even have the space to like feel some kind of way or to I think have that stress or that crisis. And I think like maybe that's why I also think that might be a contributing factor to why this year was particularly rough.

Tanesha (13:59.466)
you

Tanesha (14:15.911)
You did it.

Tanesha (14:21.427)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (14:23.47)
Because I didn't have that last year. But this year, I seriously, I mean, I really thought about some things. But I'm also very frugal because I'm like, prices are going up, we need to be mindful. My husband's car was in the shop. can't, you just can't be out here like whoosh. But what I did do is I always give myself a bit of a shopping spree. So I go to Five Below or the dollar store and I buy a bunch of stuff, which I did do.

Tanesha (14:39.846)
Yeah.

Kiara (14:53.164)
to do.

Tanesha (14:54.013)
But this is the funny part, you're like, so I'm gonna shop this brand in store. And you're like, really? Me while, I know, me while I'm sitting here, I'll sit here and shop on Fashion Nova. I mean, I did do that too. I did that last year. I was like, and we need this outfit and that outfit. yep, I want this one. And send.

Kiara (15:00.693)
Because it's frugal. Okay, a shopping spree at the dollar store is not the same.

Kiara (15:10.019)
I didn't do that.

Kiara (15:17.102)
I mean, I thought about it, I really did. I thought about it and I was like, no. But I did do things to invest in my space. I bought another storage thing, so now I have different space. So I'm like, I did do some shopping, I did do some things, but I thought in general, that sense of the Niner energy. I was like, I've never thought about this. So now, should I be worried about 49? And 59 and 69?

Tanesha (15:39.58)
Yeah.

Well, well, maybe because by then your kids will be in college.

Kiara (15:48.258)
Yeah.

Tanesha (15:49.386)
and you will be an empty nester. So who knows what that 49 may look like for you versus me. You see what saying?

Kiara (15:54.229)
you

Ooh, I got plans for some shenanigans. Like, my husband and can't wait. I can't wait. But like, if they both leave, then we can be alone in the house again. Get up to shenanigans that we haven't been able to get up to in many, moons.

Tanesha (16:11.911)
But that's what saying. Maybe by that you may have, maybe you will, or maybe you won't. Because let's be clear, I've always been the wild child compared to you. So you've only been the sensible ones. Don't feel a way that you weren't where I was last year.

Kiara (16:26.414)
I'm sensible. I like that. I mean, ask my husband. I don't think he thinks I'm sensible. He's like, why do we do these things? However, he did tell me something that was very funny. He goes, I clearly married the right sister. That's what he told me yesterday. I was like, it made me feel like we were in one of those, you know, like.

Tanesha (16:32.721)
I mean, this is the letter.

Kiara (16:51.022)
Victorian times where you know you all had to marry off the siblings and he was just like thank God I picked you and I was like That's crazy. I was like, don't know you might have fun. He's like no, no, no, no, you don't He's like you are pretty awesome I just want you to know that and he bought me a crunch bar today. So shout out to my husband Nothing like chocolate

Tanesha (16:51.805)
You know?

Tanesha (17:05.275)
No, he would have been stressed out. He would have been stressed out between me and the other one. Yeah, I don't know.

Tanesha (17:20.497)
Really? A crunch bar? I mean, I'm not saying those things are good. Those little wafers. Anyway, yep.

Kiara (17:25.422)
I thought, anyway, yeah, back to, y'all know this is one of them days we're gonna be off topic, but anyway, there's another stress spike I wanna talk about. It's called the forced joy and pressure of being the center of attention, which can trigger a literal stress response like high blood pressure. I think this is the thing that contributes to that potential like weird death phenomenon around your birthday. And so I was like, us people,

Tanesha (17:33.724)
Okay.

Kiara (17:54.326)
as we are. We kind of like to be the center of attention. So I was like, that doesn't stress me out. I find that very fun.

Tanesha (17:57.706)
I'm only stressed out when I'm not. I'd be like, why don't you want me to put what? Why? What do mean?

Kiara (18:04.834)
I don't quite know if I feel like stressed out, but I thought like, hmm, these are all the things I discovered looking into birthday phenomenon and like how you like deal with birthdays and how the different emotions that come out of it. But it was weird, right?

Really? All these things are born from the sense of a birthday.

Tanesha (18:30.483)
Well, I mean, if we put it frank, we didn't ask to be here. No one asked to be here. So when we get here, we are thrown into pretty much the wolves, the masses, right? And we're just navigating and trying to survive and find our own packs so we don't get eaten alive, right? Snow.

Kiara (18:34.702)
Facts.

Kiara (18:43.501)
Yes.

Kiara (18:49.91)
Amen, amen.

Tanesha (18:51.981)
That would make sense that people would get stressed or things of that nature. And then two, like you said, when we were younger, it was made a big deal because now everybody's getting older, everybody's feeling the way. And then once you hit a certain age, you're just like, okay, I'm here.

do I care? But that's also, think, too, I think that depends on the people around. Because there's some people out here that celebrate just like if they were 18, 21, 22, 23. And they got the people that come around and do it. then I think, so I also feel like that's too. I think for us as a family, we are not used to being celebrated after a certain point.

Kiara (19:33.526)
Yes, I think that's also true. But I also wonder if that is a cultural thing too. Because I'm like, there was a certain point where my mom stops like buying birth, I think we talked about this, stopped buying like birthday and Christmas presents and that kind of thing. So I think like after like 18 or so, that was like when we got cut off for all the extra shenanigans. And I'm like, it wasn't a big deal.

Tanesha (19:39.378)
Hmm.

Kiara (20:01.56)
We just assumed, I think it felt like a big deal when she told us. And then after a while, I just got used to like, yeah, it's whatever. Which is why I think though, when people did things like the people at my job, it made me feel extra special. But I also, like I said, I think it might be cultural in some cases, because I also noticed that other races and ethnicities don't do that. Like they have like celebrations and stuff like that.

Tanesha (20:10.471)
I think so.

Tanesha (20:25.875)
Mm-mm.

Kiara (20:29.998)
I remember talking to people about people's 40th birthday party and they were doing surprise parties and all of that. So I wonder if there's a factor that makes that cultural. Or maybe we just have parents who don't do that.

Tanesha (20:40.433)
I I think there is, but also I think it could just be each family based, but I do think it's cultural. It could be cultural as well. Or it could be.

I think for me just like how you said you got cut off, I got cut off for my birthday once my mom became a witness. So I feed it off of everyone else acknowledging me because I knew my mom wasn't going to do it in that way. Now don't get me wrong, she did take me places but we always did it the week before or the week after my birthday. Never on my birthday.

Kiara (21:12.663)
Okay.

Tanesha (21:14.203)
So like we had like my favorite place we used to go to Friendly so I would go there the week before after but it was never then. So on my day it's a big deal when someone wants to celebrate me because it's like thank you. But I also I mean it can definitely be cultural because I think just in general I don't see a lot of people like going all out. Unless it's yourself going out all out for it.

Kiara (21:22.957)
your day.

Kiara (21:37.452)
I don't either. I thought, and I was like...

Yes, which I think, I mean, that's another thing. like, I've seen some people do it and it's usually like either of them. And that's another thing. I remember when I was at, I'm working somewhere. I went to a friend's 40th birthday party, but she planned the whole thing. Like she picked the club, she picked everything. So I'm like, I wonder if that is again, cultural in the sense that, you know, you have to do it for yourself.

Tanesha (21:48.457)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (21:57.834)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (22:09.172)
Or, you know, I guess it could be a family thing, but I just, like you said, I don't feel like I know too many people who look like us or have the same heritage that are like, yeah, we have big birthday parties every year. So I think that's interesting. Mm-hmm, yeah, the mouse-dull ones, because I do. Yes.

Tanesha (22:15.593)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (22:20.937)
No, or they do it for the milestone ones only. Especially once you hit like the 70s and the 80s and the 90s and the 100s, then it's like a grand gesture.

Kiara (22:33.198)
I'm like, when's the last time we celebrated my grandma's birthday? See, that's a good point now. You got me thinking about this.

Tanesha (22:36.297)
Mm.

Kiara (22:40.654)
I don't think she's 90. I she'll be not any if she is.

I don't think so, but I am.

pretty confident, should not be mad at me

Kiara (22:56.898)
Just shout out to my Grams

Tanesha (22:59.123)
I mean, I guess the other thing is before my mom don't celebrate her birthday, so.

Kiara (23:04.142)
I was like, I don't think my mom celebrates hers either. We call, like we do call and we do like, you I used to have the kids call and say happy birthday grandma and stuff. But I'm like, yeah, why does that, why is that a thing? When did this happen? Should we just like reverse the trend and be like celebrate everybody's birthday? But then I feel like that puts pressure on people based on the fact that we didn't do it previously.

Tanesha (23:06.097)
I don't have to tell her a big party. Yeah.

Tanesha (23:28.937)
And that's what I'm gonna say. And the only reason I'm saying this is because my niece's birthday was the day before yours and she's about to celebrate. But she didn't wanna go to dinner. Her friends made her go to dinner. And then I was like, well, are they paying for you? And she was like, no, we're all paying for ourselves. And I was like, so if we don't wanna go, then I'll go. And I think that's another trend too that is kinda like.

Kiara (23:45.954)
Then why are you going?

Tanesha (23:56.156)
I know if I'm going out or taking me out for my birthday, I'm expecting you to pay, not me to pay.

Kiara (24:00.62)
Yeah, because you invited me. I'm assuming that unless, yeah, no, because I'm like, why would I go out if I didn't want to go out unless you're paying?

Tanesha (24:06.461)
No.

Tanesha (24:10.995)
So I think that's another trend that we need, that is maybe why we're starting to see this thing, because some people are like, mm.

you can pay for yourself or you get the ones where y'all all go out and one person's like, I'm paying for my food and your food. But then everybody's like, but we're supposed to be the bills down the line. Like I'm not paying for you and your five or eight drinks and your steak when I only had water and fries. But that doesn't make sense. Like, so I wonder if that also plays a part into it too. Like as in why certain things are not being celebrated or why these things are feeling

Kiara (24:40.995)
Yeah.

Tanesha (24:48.607)
they feel.

Kiara (24:50.99)
So actually this actually leads us to the next level of this conversation because the next thing I want to talk about is kind of how we celebrate and how that changed. So not only are you dealing with potentially being super sad, your birthday and that, you know, and high blood pressure causing you to, but that was a Thanos snap in case y'all can't see me. So then you have the sense of parties.

Tanesha (24:59.017)
Mm.

Kiara (25:20.588)
and how that shifts during that time too. Because I did a little bit more research into this because I was like, let me tell you, my birthday was spent, like I told you, I like to hang out with myself, like to like, shh, quiet time, a little like, whatever you want to do day. Like shenanigans galore. Like whatever you want to do today is what you get to do. So intentionally I try to make sure like, if it's on a weekday or a weekend,

Tanesha (25:49.842)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (25:50.232)
I'm not wife, I'm not mom. I mean, I am obviously, you can't just retire those. right, so I try to make sure like the day, I cook, usually I cook on Mondays, I didn't cook Monday.

Tanesha (25:54.557)
But the day is actually about you.

Tanesha (26:04.233)
So that's the thing, on my birthday I was cooking. I was cooking me my meal. And cooking everybody else food.

Kiara (26:04.748)
Right? No, no, no, I don't do it. We go out, we go out. That is our tradition. So instead of a birthday party, what we do is we go out to dinner, we go do a fun activity, and that's kind of it. Right? So it's like, and then I buy presents for other people. So that's that. That's kind of how it goes, except my husband. I don't buy presents for him because his budget is crazy work. So listen, we want to have champagne taste.

We need champagne drops. We don't have those. So we gotta be mindful about how we spend. That's not what I meant. Okay, maybe I should say caviar. You know what I'm saying? The point is, you want luxury items, we need luxury. We need to be mindful. And again, that's my sensibility coming in. But it made me start to think about, like again, I like to chill. And I've done this for my birthday for as long as I can remember.

Tanesha (26:39.411)
I mean, well, champagne is not as expensive as you think it is anymore, so... There you go. Yes, caviar. I'm like, that's expensive. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Kiara (27:03.502)
in terms of adulthood. I used to go see movies. There was a good string of years there that I would go to movies on my birthday and see the newest Twilight or the newest Fast and Furious or whatever it was. That was my thing. It'd be me in the movie theater. Now occasionally some friends would come, one or two, but that was the extent of a party. That was it.

Tanesha (27:16.178)
Mm.

Tanesha (27:26.301)
Okay. Why my leash shoe still was, yeah, little key one. It was low key.

Kiara (27:30.2)
Cause I don't believe.

Yeah, I mean, like things that are close-knit and like, I'm not so much of a proud person, so I like things to kind of like ease into. Okay, nonetheless. I found this thing that said, in our 20s, parties are kind of performative versus at your 40s, gatherings need to be restorative. So what that means is like, when you're 20,

It's a huge bash. You out there in these streets, you having a good time. Whereas as you get older, you start to feel a little bit like, got work in the morning, I got kids, I got to, you know, I have responsibilities. And so there is a trend of older people who are over 40. So I don't want to say older, older, but just older than 20 who actually use that time for like, chill time. So it was actually funny to realize that I've been doing that probably way longer.

Tanesha (28:05.865)
Yeah.

Kiara (28:31.53)
than before I entered this particular phase of my life. So I was like, I did that stuff from the jump because I felt like it needs to be restored.

Like how do you prepare yourself for the following day if you're in bed by 10 o'clock?

Tanesha (28:50.761)
was gonna I did both, but I felt like I did the restorative part.

Kiara (28:52.779)
Okay.

Tanesha (29:00.549)
Once I became a mom, I didn't really go anywhere. Couldn't, it's not that I couldn't, but I didn't go anywhere. I just stayed home. Like I didn't get taken out. didn't get nothing. Whatever. And I think once my kids got older, I have now become the performative. So when it doesn't happen, I'll be like, What just happened?

Kiara (29:21.326)
That's so interesting. So you like to be backwards from all these shenanigans here that we're reading? Because I'm like, no. I like it to be like, think, was it last year I went to get a massage or something? Like, it was very relaxing and very restorative. Like, I used to buy a book. Like, I would go buy a book at a bookstore and I'd be reading and I'd be excited. Like, that was my little moment for me time, I feel like.

Tanesha (29:24.563)
Clearly, clearly, clearly, that's what that means.

Tanesha (29:33.043)
You did.

Kiara (29:49.292)
Because as we talked about, as someone who wears many hats, like a mom and a wife, you don't get those times. Like somebody always needs something. Or they want to talk about something. Or you need to be aware of something and fix something. Or challenge someone else to fix something, but you've got to think about it. So that's interesting. And I also want to challenge you to next year, don't cook your own meal.

Tanesha (29:49.31)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (30:14.161)
Next year I'm not gonna my own male. I'll just take myself to art.

Kiara (30:14.702)
Like, don't do that. You're not supposed to. And that's why I instituted restaurants on birthdays. So we always go out to dinner. Regardless of, if we do nothing else, we're going out to dinner for your birthday and everybody gets their own selection of cake.

Tanesha (30:31.497)
But what I bet I do for the kids, because I make their cakes, so I ask them what cake they want, what flavor they want, what icing they want, what you want on it, what do you want. And I do, and I buy them whatever they want to eat.

Kiara (30:37.485)
just pay.

Kiara (30:48.048)
yeah, see, that's why we do restaurants. they pick the restaurant, so that's it. They pick the restaurant, which is funny, because my husband picked Olive Garden. I think one year my daughter picked this sidebar kind of bar-like place. I was like, are you kidding? But it had great chicken wings. I stopped with the balloons, because I was sick of listening to them pop. I can't do that. My nerves.

Tanesha (30:50.185)
and I'm ready.

Tanesha (31:03.96)
and I do balloons. They get balloons.

Oh no, no, no. Oh, well, no, no, no. That would be, that's always things. So I always feel bad if I can't do it or whatever.

Kiara (31:20.12)
for balloons? Okay. And lastly, there is this new trend, which I feel like I'm ahead of it. I'm ahead of another trend, girl. Here we go. It's called the analog birthday, which means protecting your attention rather than collecting things. So for these people, they intentionally log off of their phones and their computers. They get in touch with themselves. Like I said, they read a book. They like...

Tanesha (31:24.477)
Yeah.

Tanesha (31:31.89)
Okay.

Tanesha (31:48.679)
Mmm.

Kiara (31:49.664)
have experiences that don't require to be online or on the phone. And so I thought that was like a really interesting part because data shows that 76 percent, a 76 percent mental health boost when logging off of digital things. So actually for my birthday, I don't even think I knew where my phone was a good part of the day. I was like, hmm.

I don't know. I did answer calls because I think it's rude not to answer calls when people call you on your birthday to say happy birthday. But I sincere efforts to not be online.

Tanesha (32:31.645)
Yeah, no, I guess maybe that's why I got sad, because that was the other thing. I like to be acknowledged. Let me tell you.

Kiara (32:43.245)
We know.

Tanesha (32:44.553)
Yeah, I like to be acknowledged. Not you saying we know, whatever. I like to be acknowledged. however that works. So yeah, I'll be looking on Instagram, I'm scrolling. Did you say thank you, happy? No? Didn't it? Okay. Like I take mental notes of people who don't say anything. So then sometimes I'll, if your birthday comes around, I don't say nothing either. Or I'll make a point to make it such a big deal. That you be like...

Kiara (32:48.428)
Thank

Tanesha (33:14.215)
So if you don't do it again, I'm like, see, this is why I don't, because you didn't acknowledge me, but I acknowledge you. Like I even felt away when my old work best friend, she didn't say nothing to me this year. And I was like, word? And you was the one who always went out your way to make sure I had what I wanted on my birthday at work. So how could you not say nothing?

Kiara (33:38.606)
I don't know what to tell you about your thoughts and your feelings, because that's different.

Tanesha (33:40.618)
I don't know. Yeah, I'm just a special child. I'm a special older person that be like, need to be sent out of attention all the time. I don't understand why I'm not. I don't know. Is it the spoiled child, only child slash big sibling syndrome? I don't know what that is, but that's what it is.

Kiara (33:50.702)
Thank

Kiara (33:58.572)
Yes it is. I think that is a little bit of the spoiled child syndrome because I'm like I think there was a time like coming out of my 20s where I would pay attention to that but then I also feel like I don't remember everybody's birthday either. I am notoriously bad at it.

Tanesha (34:14.313)
But that's why I made it a point for me to remember people's birthdays. Because I like, if I can't be mad if I don't remember people's birthdays, you don't remember mine. But I make it a point. Now, our brother may beg to differ, because he goes, always tell him a week after or a couple of days after. I'm like, well, sometimes you work my nerves. So it's nothing personal. Or it is personal. But.

Kiara (34:30.178)
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure you don't.

Kiara (34:36.416)
Or it's very personal because it works your nerves. You know what? Be a better person. I cannot even. Yours is not great. Okay, y'all. I did not expect this to take a turn.

Tanesha (34:48.497)
I just, I just, I just, no, just said, I'm like, least I remembered. See, okay, you know what, maybe I get what I dish out. Probably is what I deserve.

Kiara (34:57.902)
Yes, yes you did. I'm glad that we had a whole karmic circle. I think, I don't even know where we end in this one because I'm like, listen, I've learned some things about you that concern me. I think you need to bring some of this up in therapy. Like, for real? I think there's some sense of petty in there somewhere. A little bit of petty. Wow.

Tanesha (35:14.025)
Well, I can't, she not. It is, I do, I am very petty. I am petty and spiteful. Really petty.

Kiara (35:26.574)
Cheers!

Tanesha (35:28.711)
I'm very petty.

Kiara (35:30.454)
Okay, well I need to get you out of that petty spirit because we need to talk about parenting. In our parenting section this week, we're going to talk about... I don't know, Apollo's hanging out back there. See Apollo making noise. Why is he back there?

Tanesha (35:37.181)
yeah, okay. I mean, I can be petty there too, I'm sure. Hi Apollo.

Kiara (35:54.638)
Why Apollo, you gonna go lay down? No? You want more licks and cuddles? Okay. He was over here licking my fingers and then he ran the other way and I was like, what are you doing? And now he's just popping himself up right there. He hates to be on camera, so this was a special moment for me. He hates it. He's like, don't look at me. Anyhow, so as we talk about parenting.

There is a bit of a debate that we have that we want to let everybody in on. Because, I'm gonna laugh at this because you are PTA president, but the debate is about showing up, right? So showing up for your kids in different ways. And so there's definitely times that I feel like too much is being asked of parents to do these things because it's not, I'm not just a parent, I am many things.

Tanesha (36:47.144)
Mm.

Kiara (36:52.462)
And I do a lot of things. And I think sometimes it can be misconstrued that if I don't go to every single school event, suddenly I am not an involved parent, which is a little crazy. But anyway, so when it comes to showing up, there has to be a range of participation from being PTA president, knowing the name of your child's best friend. I feel like there has to be a range there.

Tanesha (37:12.457)
Thanks.

Kiara (37:20.994)
for moms and dads and grandmas and such who take care of our primary caretakers because there's a lot going on and I feel like.

Where do we even start to discuss this? Because I think let's start with the idea of what you discussed at first about how you felt showing up should manifest for some.

Tanesha (37:46.526)
Well, okay, well this is kind of hard because I am the PT president.

So I'm a very involved parent, like a very, very one. But even before I became PTA president, I would go to like certain events. like my kids' school, have like first STEM Fridays. So like the first Friday of every month, you come in for an hour or two. Normally it would be for me two hours. Or sometimes I do one and have everybody be at the same class. But anyway.

we do a project or an experiment or something like that, time. Before when it was the oldest child, I was even more involved. I went on every school trip. Like I took off work. You got a trip, I'm taking off work. I'm paying for me to go. Even when he was in preschool, I was just like, I wanna go. So for me, it's second nature, but...

I will say that at one point there was times I couldn't get off work. So I didn't go. And my kids did not appreciate that. So I don't know. This is a fine line. you have to... Well, no. think it's... Okay. Well, I think it's hard, but I also feel like...

Kiara (39:07.246)
think it's fine. I think it's large. The line has to be larger.

Tanesha (39:15.419)
Everyone does what they want to do, right? Everyone makes time for the things that they want to make time for, right? So let's just hypothetically think about a parent who says, can't take off work to do that, but I will take off work to go to the beach by myself. There's some people out here to do it. Or the ones where...

Kiara (39:39.341)
Yes.

Tanesha (39:45.47)
They pick and choose. Well, I don't want to do this. I'm going to do this. Your child sees that. And then their response to that is, well, if my mom doesn't really care, or my parent doesn't really care, why should I really take this serious? Or you have the ones where you see the ones, I remember I came for an award for the youngest. And this particular student, mom is always there. When it came to take the picture,

It's like parents come up, take the picture. The mom was nowhere to be found. And that kid, she looked at me. So I was here and then went off and started crying because now her parents not here. And her parent apparently was there earlier, but didn't say nothing. Didn't say bye. Didn't do nothing and left. That affects the kid. So then at some point, like.

Like we went back to saying these we people and kids didn't ask to be here. We chose them to be here. It's our obligation to kind of make them feel secure in some aspects. And if that's including school, you should be involved now.

I will say there's different type of involvements, right? So you have that where you're at everything and you can be involved. But that doesn't, but then there's the other backhand of it. Like maybe I don't show up to every event, but I show up to certain things or I'm always reachable. So if a parent, if a teacher needed to call me or for like I'm, you could be involved in that way.

Kiara (41:08.044)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (41:24.137)
But there's some people who are not involved at all. So I think that's where the fine line of just dividing. I think I just lost where I was going, but you know what I'm trying to say.

Kiara (41:34.818)
Yeah, I do. But I disagree so much, and this is where this bay was. Because listen, I do think you're right that you obviously can pick and choose what works for you. But I'm going tell you right now, I have never and will never be a member of the PTA. Because that is not on my to-do list, and I do not like it. And my kids know that. Now, that does not mean that I am not at every single school conference, that I'm not there doing multiple things, that I'm not available should the teacher, you know,

need me. Like I've gone to every single open house and things like that for years. And then I stopped after I got to a certain age because I was like, I don't want to go. I'm tired. I don't want to go. to work. But that does not mean that I don't send notes to the teacher. don't have ways to contact. Like I still have a portal. Like there are ways that I feel like you can get involved that don't require you to do all of the things. Like I said, I feel like it can be a spectrum. You can pick and choose because I would argue that, yeah, I can take off a day of work because I need it.

Am I gonna take off today to go to your field trip? Absolutely not. Absolutely not, I'm not going. Not now, not ever. I do not wanna be surrounded by a whole bunch of kids that are not my kids. As I told a young lady today at work, yes, I have children. No, I don't like children. Like, I have children who are teenagers at this point. I love my nieces and my nephews.

But if you ask me to deal with other children out here in the world that don't have that were not raised by me Or someone like me and don't recognize authority and respect and that's not a good. That's not a good place for me to be So I don't do any them

Tanesha (43:11.625)
like you don't babysit. Like you're not gonna be like, I'm about to offer babysitting services to you.

Kiara (43:16.398)
Absolutely not. That was number one on my list of things I would never want to do. But that does not mean I will not take my nieces and nephews in because I love that. At the same time, I love me a crazy house with my siblings and all the kids and all of that. That is so fun for me. But I also feel like they listen because they know auntie don't play. be quick. Like, oh, auntie don't play. Now, auntie will let you have all the fun in the world. We're going have a good time. We're going have a dance party. We're going play. We're going to eat good. We're going to have so much fun. But you're going to listen.

Tanesha (43:20.179)
Mm.

Tanesha (43:46.5)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (43:47.18)
And that's the kind of energy I bring to the table. That's not easy when you're trying, this is why I'm not a teacher. I feel like it's a special calling to be around a lot of children or growing children into adults and having to like be there every day. Yes, you're going to have parents that are not involved at all. So I definitely understand to that degree what you're trying to say, because I'm like, I'm not going to leave my child to their own devices.

Tanesha (44:14.257)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (44:15.822)
Like I'm going to try to get you to a place where I don't have to be involved or as involved now, which is where we are with at least one child. And we're working on the other. But like I said, I feel like there has to be a range because not everyone has the opportunity to get off work to go on these things. Like there's a flexibility that may not exist for you. And for me, it didn't for a while.

Tanesha (44:46.257)
I burped, I'm sorry, and it went up my nose when my mouth was closed and it stank.

Kiara (44:46.636)
Who's being stinky?

It's you. It's you being stinky. That is crazy work. Anyway, not you being stinky.

But then I argue like it can also feel overwhelming to be the one again you have to respond to all the things and it's one more thing that we kind of talk about that sense of feeling like overwhelmed because you have to wear 900 hats a day like not even over a course of days like if some days I wear hat after hat after hat or two or three hats at the same time and I have to be the traffic cop.

Tanesha (45:01.501)
like the coffee.

Tanesha (45:09.756)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (45:27.992)
hoping who needs help with what and who needs help with something else. So I feel like when it comes to showing up, there are ways you can do that. And I think we need to acknowledge that there are ways to do that without necessarily doing everything. Because I also feel like moms in particular can feel the brunt of some of these like...

Tanesha (45:45.853)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Kiara (45:56.526)
requirements when it comes to schools, right? So a study that was done in 2025 showed schools called moms 1.4 times more than dads, even when dad is the primary contact.

Tanesha (45:58.43)
Yeah.

Kiara (46:12.076)
Like that's a societal norm now, like the mom knows the things. And this in fact is a thing I've seen. Like even if my husband is the one with my child, they immediately look for me. Where's your mother? Like why is your father picking up from school? Because my mother was busy and she couldn't come and pick me up from school. So I don't feel like they get that same level of like forced attendance that I can see. So I'm like, I hear you.

Tanesha (46:37.437)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Kiara (46:41.46)
I definitely agree that some participation is necessary. I think my sense of participation is directly related to my child's life. You need me to be there to help you with this. You need me to put you back on track. You need me to do this, do that. You need me to celebrate you because you did a great job. Have no problem with it. I love going to those kind of things, but I need to go to the PTA for what exactly?

Tanesha (47:08.915)
Well, it's also, okay, so the PTA is not just you doing fundraisers or whatever. PTA is also for you to learn about things that are happening in the school that you may not be aware of, because not everybody, even with this aging technology, not everybody pays attention.

to that information because that's just one notification that they don't feel like dealing with so they don't look at it, they don't pay attention. Not many times I've heard somebody say that they never supposed to mail a class dojo and that's a requirement for you to have. You have to have class, which is an app, a school app that you're supposed to have. And they be like, I just moved that. Why, what? I don't know. And you'd be like, but then you wonder why you don't know what's happening. Or even like the emails, how many times with emails did we just scroll over, not attend whatever those emails are.

Kiara (47:41.454)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (47:55.47)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (47:56.234)
So even like that, getting emails from your school, like paying attention to those things to help. And so that's pretty much what the PTA is supposed to do. Give you those updates, information that you may have missed because you chose not to look into it. Cause that's just another thing that is tiresome. Just like how high school, the oldest high school calls at least four times after they send a text message. I'm like, I heard you the first time.

You don't need to call me again. I don't need you to call me three times about the same thing. Thank you very much. So sometimes you start blocking them out like that is so that's what that that is what the PC is for is to do that. So that's. What I say about that.

Kiara (48:24.749)
Yep.

Kiara (48:33.176)
I'm going to

Kiara (48:39.448)
I mean, I hear you. And I get that. And I will say I do. I think as high schoolers, now they do that, where it's a multiple touch points, right? So I get an email and a phone call at the same time. And then a message from Talking Points, which is our app, which is how teachers can text you without having your number. So everyone joins the app and we communicate that way, which I do feel like I love that.

Tanesha (48:56.778)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (49:06.818)
I'm like, how was the day with such and such? Or did something happen? Or can you change this particular thing because they were in your class because I dropped them off and it was excused? So that kind of thing. But I hear you. I definitely think I didn't realize that's what PCA people do. Usually it's a lot of fundraisers and so, yep, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That was definitely a reason to block it out.

Tanesha (49:09.64)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (49:18.354)
Right.

Tanesha (49:30.686)
But see, you don't even have to do, even when it comes to fundraisers, Sometimes just volunteering your time for a second. Like, okay, you need me to just do this for like 20 minutes, sure. Sometimes you don't have to do that either. Or yes, sometimes send the money. I mean, we have a fundraiser right now. cause we're trying to do an event. So we need your money to do the event. But I mean, some.

Kiara (49:50.798)
Yeah, we don't do that.

Tanesha (49:54.366)
But that's what saying. it's all different aspects that you can be a part of the PTA or understand the PTA. But I get it.

Kiara (50:04.738)
Yeah, I mean, listen.

Tanesha (50:07.081)
Listen, I'm not gonna lie. At one point I didn't do the PTA either. I was like, For what? Why am I doing that for? For what? I was one of those parents. I'm I'm involved enough. I don't need to sit here for half an hour. And even with me being PTA president, asked me if I went to one of the high school's PTA, since he transferred school. No.

Zero. No. I do want to do one just so can see what they talk about. But none. But that's also because I was a part of the PTA when he was at the other high school. And then I'd be like, why are we all here for like two hours? You killing me. You killing me, dog. What you talking about? Sometimes, you know, they'd be having workshops and I'd be like, ooh, I'm not interested in this. Why are we talking? But that's just me.

Kiara (50:46.862)
That's crazy.

Kiara (50:52.258)
Well, yeah, they do. I will say they do do a lot of workshops.

But it's not for my demographic, right? Like they have a lot of...

Tanesha (51:01.597)
Right, that's what I about say. wasn't, and that's why I stopped doing it for the other one, because I felt like he wasn't listening. And I was like, that's cool and all that you know. You want to get the regular schools and colleges, but can we get the little HBCU? Because not everybody there is light skinned or Asian.

Kiara (51:21.25)
Yeah, well when I say demographic, mean like they do a lot of classes for non-spanish, non-English speaking.

Tanesha (51:29.737)
Mmm.

Kiara (51:32.814)
Excuse me. I do classes for... I know I was like, over here yawning, taking me out. This is your 13th yawn. Like I've been counting.

Tanesha (51:32.861)
Ooh, it's deep out here.

Tanesha (51:39.153)
I'm sorry, I've been trying. Whew. Last hour. Really? You've been counting? That's crazy.

Kiara (51:47.246)
No, I have, I was kidding. I being sarcastic. But I feel like, yeah, no, I, when I say demographic, I also mean like not just non-English speaking. They have some things that are for people who are needing to get back into the workforce. So they have like certificate programs and things like that. And I'm like, they do. They have a lot of really great things for people who need it in that sense. But for someone like me,

Tanesha (52:07.713)
well that's cool that that offers that though.

Kiara (52:16.994)
that's not going to be useful. So I'm like, now granted, I do love that they have programs for a lot of students to kind of see different things and do different things. So I can definitely see their value.

Tanesha (52:26.673)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (52:32.964)
God. However, yeah, no. Still no. Not, still no. Still no. And with that, I feel like, you we've been debating back and forth about participation and the pressures that that kind of can feel. But I also want to take a moment to connect the dots between the sense of participation and what we talked about a little bit earlier, like the birthday.

because they seem like the same kind of thing. Performative living. So it feels like you are doing something because you...

Tanesha (53:06.258)
Hmm.

Kiara (53:16.142)
feel like you have to. So like we talked about celebrating and like why you might feel like you need to do this or why you might feel like you need to do that or even with the parenting aspect and like them calling moms more than calling dads. Like if they call you, you're naturally going to pick up the phone. You're naturally going to like, for most of us, not all of us, I mean I don't want to say all of us do that, but many of us feel like we have to because

Tanesha (53:34.025)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (53:41.929)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (53:46.636)
The world will fall if you don't. So it becomes a sense of not doing what you necessarily want to do, not connecting with the actions that you're taking, but doing it from a sense of obligation.

Tanesha (53:49.001)
That's That's true.

Kiara (54:05.71)
clearly that's a problem. I was like, this is a problem, which I felt like I didn't realize how connected they were until I started to think about, you know, birthdays and.

the guilt I feel when I don't go to school events. Because I don't want to, because I did feel really bad. I didn't say this, but I felt really bad that I didn't go to their curriculum night this year. But I was really, really, really tired.

Tanesha (54:23.049)
Tanesha (54:35.315)
Hmm.

Kiara (54:36.174)
And I think recovering from some sickness. And I was like, no. And the one thing I know is my husband, he's not expected to go. So he doesn't go. It's not even on his to-do list to go do these things, unless I drag him. Because I feel like if I have to go, you have to go too.

Kiara (54:53.198)
mean, it's not nice, but...

Tanesha (54:53.651)
Not everybody has my switch off on. So was like, you know, you can switch.

Kiara (54:57.23)
No, no, didn't switch. Yeah, I was gonna say we don't switch off. My thing is like I have two children. One of us goes to one track, one of them goes to the other track. Like I'm not about to... I did that when they were younger a lot where I was the only person going to everything and then decided at some point we were gonna split this load because I don't want to be the one who has to do everything all the time because the society. Right, and then I give you an update. Like why am I reporting to you like you're the boss? Hold. Like we need to like...

Tanesha (55:15.209)
And then I'm the one that gives you the update.

Tanesha (55:23.047)
Mmm. Mmm.

Kiara (55:25.966)
shift narrative here, but that made me think about it a little bit more in terms of

Why are we doing these things? And is this our opportunity to stop?

Kiara (55:41.044)
Maybe we're putting this load on ourselves instead of thinking about what's best for us because we want to look certain way. And in this age of social media where we document everything for the world, where sometimes it's really hard to be authentic because you just want to look great and feel great all the time, it's time to just get a little bit more real, I feel like. And I feel like people would understand it.

Tanesha (55:57.053)
Yeah.

Kiara (56:09.942)
Or I do. I understand when I don't want to do it. So now... my god. So now, I want to challenge you to do something...

Kiara (56:23.063)
rebellious.

Tanesha (56:25.585)
Rebellion is my middle name.

Kiara (56:28.012)
I know, I know, here we go.

We're going to say no to something that we as a parent do not want to do this.

Kiara (56:40.46)
Yeah, seems hard, doesn't it?

Tanesha (56:45.245)
Well, what?

Kiara (56:45.698)
I'm tell you what I'm saying no to.

I'm not going to be the person responsible for following up with somebody's teacher. I'm going to make students responsible for following up with their teacher. Just like I'm going to make a student responsible for figuring out when we're going to their open house. Instead of me. Because it's an opportunity for learning,

Tanesha (57:15.849)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (57:16.534)
And be honest because I don't want to. I don't want to be the itinerary master right now and I also don't want to be following up the teacher. So I think it's an opportunity for growth to teach them to kind of step into the roles that they're going to need in their life. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going be like, not me, it's you, figure it out. I'm very excited about this choice.

Tanesha (57:37.641)
Tanesha (57:42.033)
I don't know if I could do that. Hold on.

Kiara (57:44.398)
You can, I assure you.

Tanesha (57:51.929)
I know. Let me think.

Tanesha (57:59.698)
I don't know, can't do that option. You got teenagers. Only got one teenager.

Kiara (58:05.036)
I mean there is something you can say no to. I don't know because I don't know. No, no, no, no. I did teach you this before. If they know how, if they can teach, you can teach them how to make simple things that they can use to feed themselves. Like my kids learned how to make oatmeal in the microwave so that they weren't waking me up first thing in the morning. I need breakfast. Like, nope.

Tanesha (58:07.815)
What? Feed yourself. Leave me alone. What?

Kiara (58:30.798)
If you know how to press 30 seconds on a microwave or if you know how to press one minute, 30 seconds on the microwave, you can make your own oatmeal. Just like there's one night in my house a week that is sandwich night because neither myself or my husband want to be responsible for cooking dinner.

And we've been doing the whole, like the sandwich night is still pretty recent because you know I used to cook seven days a week. But the...

Breakfast thing, they started doing that way probably like six or seven years old. Because I was like, I'm not getting up to feed you at 6.15 in the morning. Like I get up with them still, but I'm not going to actually, I'm just up to supervise that they do what they're supposed to do. Not that I actually do anything except sit here. And some days I sleep until I pray for them and then go back to sleep.

Tanesha (59:14.355)
Okay, well, okay.

Tanesha (59:30.309)
Okay, so okay, I will Well, I read it

Tanesha (59:41.097)
Sorry, I already did, told my child to go ask her brothers with the homework assignment because they would know this math quicker than I would.

Kiara (59:46.968)
It's okay.

Kiara (59:52.654)
See? You did something. You delegated. Also, because you probably didn't want to do her homework, you?

Tanesha (01:00:01.033)
No, because it'd be like, you know the answer. Why are you looking at me like that? But also, too, this math that they'd be doing, you'd be like, why? And then they'd be like, no, I was taught this way. I was taught this way. got to do it. like, well, I don't know that way. So that's what you got to learn. YouTube it.

Kiara (01:00:12.143)
First of all, their math is crazy. Mm-hmm. Because I was like, y'all don't do math, right?

I think.

That's my answer many times. I'm like, mm-mm. I don't do math like that. I do math the way that I was taught to do math, and I still can do math in my head because of the way I was taught. Y'all be doing too much. Y'all teaching these kids these confusion stuff, and then it's like, I'll try and teach you three other ways to get it. You don't need three ways to get it. You need one way to get it. It's little too much. It's too much. It served me well, so I don't know why we're doing that. So anyway.

Tanesha (01:00:27.187)
But yeah.

Kiara (01:00:50.754)
So that's it. I'm glad that we decided to do that.

Tanesha (01:00:53.691)
Okay.

Kiara (01:00:56.148)
Make that a moment for yourself to just be present and to be authentic, not to curate anything, not to do something because you feel like you have to, but do it because you want to and that you connect with the thing that you are doing. Now, obviously we can't do that all the time, right? Because, I mean, we live in, we don't live in the Barbie castle. Like I'm over here doing stuff I got to do anyway. Like I had to cook dinner today. Nobody, nobody held my hand through that process, but it was delicious. So hold on.

Tanesha (01:01:12.483)
Mm. No. Yeah.

Tanesha (01:01:19.037)
Listen.

Kiara (01:01:26.424)
was really good. Not gonna toot my own hard hair, but toot toot. It was fantastic. And I made it in less than an hour. What'd say?

Tanesha (01:01:33.564)
As I went beep beep.

Tanesha (01:01:38.471)
I was gonna say beep beep when you said two tube, but I didn't. Yeah.

Kiara (01:01:40.394)
Okay, okay, thing. Beep beep, same thing, same thing. So yeah, so I'm glad that we had a moment to talk about this because I think birthdays are overrated. Which sounds crazy, but like after you get to a certain age it is what it is. Exactly. See, we ended up right where we started. That sounds just like you. So.

Tanesha (01:01:57.058)
who?

Tanesha (01:02:05.001)
you

Kiara (01:02:06.892)
It was fun to unpack my birthday blues and to share my realizations of all the issues that come with birthdays with you guys. And then also to look at showing up for your kids and what that looks like. Because ultimately, I think showing up for them should be having a meaningful connection with your children, helping to support them mentally, physically, emotionally.

maybe not going to every single PTA meeting. So like, just, you know, just, just saying, like there's ways to participate and to encourage them to be successful in school and to answer things that the teacher sends you without maybe doing 900 other things that don't fit into your schedule. That's, that's my thinking there. But I understand the importance of people participating, volunteering, and being part of the PTA. And

encourage anyone out there to do what best suits you.

Tanesha (01:03:08.585)
will say, they need to make PTA a paid position, okay? It's the amount of work I'll be doing. It's kinda crazy. I'm forward to be volunteer. Just saying.

Kiara (01:03:13.838)
They do. Yeah, it really should be a pay position because you out here.

Tanesha (01:03:19.753)
Like if pay people to be a part of SLT, which I'm a part of too, if you pay people to that, you can pay me, the PTA president, the PTA members, a small fee. Just saying.

Kiara (01:03:27.394)
Yes.

Yes, a stipend. I hear you. And I agree with you. They barely pay teachers. They need to go ahead and put that money where it's most due. So with that, we want to thank you for joining us today while we were off track because it's late. But you got to enjoy our birthday celebration conversation and what to do when you feel like you're being pushed into things from school or in life, depending on how you look at it. Maybe you don't want to have that 50

person birthday party or in some cases that 250 person wedding like that's a whole nother conversation we could get into because sometimes you gotta make choices that are best for you in your spirit and maybe not caring what other people say. You can get into that another time. We want to remind you that if you enjoyed this episode you want to hit subscribe on wherever you are currently listening to us on whether that is Spotify and what other places when you listen to us.

Tanesha (01:04:06.537)
Oh, that's another conversation. That's a little quick prayer.

Tanesha (01:04:17.694)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (01:04:30.569)
I Heart Radio, Pocket Podcasts, Amazon Audible, Amazon Music.

Tanesha (01:04:40.161)
I Spotify? I said pocket pocket? Spotify? YouTube music. Yeah. And then you can also follow us individually. Me, Tanisha at Tanisha underscore mama pod on Instagram, on TikTok. Kiara at Kiara mama pod. No space, no underscore on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. And on Twitter, you can find her as content Vixen.

Kiara (01:04:40.418)
Pocket project.

Kiara (01:05:10.434)
That's right.

Tanesha (01:05:12.307)
Yeah.

Kiara (01:05:13.806)
Okay, so you can also follow us on our platforms with TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, on Twitch. Our new platform needs new followers. Twitch, please support. You can also find us on...

Tanesha (01:05:30.533)
website. website.

Kiara (01:05:30.882)
God, I forgot. Our website at maineventmommaspodcast.com where you can see all of our content, every video, the live streams, our blogs, you name it. It's all there in one place for you. And all you have to do is hit that button to play. don't even have to go nowhere, y'all. Like, we set it up so you could just see all the old episodes. Our vault is open and you can, you know, dive in to Main Event Momma Land. You can also check out our True Crime Podcast.

Aftermath, which is also on that website, has a special dedicated page. So yeah, we definitely want to see you there. And don't forget, you can join our squad, which is our Facebook squad community, where I drop my RAW recaps just about every week. Even though I was late this week, it is currently up and it has a fire graphic. if I were you, I would check it out to see how I felt about Monday Night RAW this week.

there was a moment. And then we have an extended blog that takes you piece by piece from the entire raw on the blog. So you have two options available. If you just want that quick hit, you hit the Facebook squad. If you want the full shebang, you hit the blog. And then also join us on Patreon where we release our re-catch for the week. We do behind the scenes, we do quizzes, we do all sorts of fun stuff there. So.

Make sure you join our Patreon where you can also support our podcast if you like what you're hearing.

Tanesha (01:07:01.991)
Yes, please follow. Thank you.

Kiara (01:07:06.06)
like, share, subscribe, bring somebody. Next time we do live streams every other week. Midnight confessions. Yeah, I'm tired. Every other week on a Thursday. Not this Thursday, because we just had an amazing panel last week. So next Thursday. But we also have some fun.

Tanesha (01:07:09.669)
Amen.

Kiara (01:07:27.598)
cameo appearances, because we like to drop it on different podcasts coming up. we'll be sure to let you know you can find us on that and there so you can keep up with us. So with that, we want to say we're not new to this.

Tanesha (01:07:40.297)
We're so true to this, and this was Main Event Mamas Bye, y'all.

Kiara (01:07:44.567)
Woop woop!