Adult-ish: The Brains, the Boundaries, and the Box of Chocolates 🍫

Kiara (00:42)
Hi, I'm Kiara.

Kevelyn (00:46)
I'm Kevlyn.

Tanesha (00:48)
And I'm Tanesha and you're now entering the sister chat. Welcome, to main event mamas.

Kiara (00:54)
Whoop whoop! She can't do that today. ⁓

Tanesha (00:57)
again. So, people are sleeping.

Sleeping!

Kiara (01:02)
We are back for another late night because it's been a week and Kevelyn is joining us again. So that's exciting. We have so much to talk about in a sense of today is about parenting, love and relationships again, because as I'm sure you guys enjoyed our alpha spirit, last week we wanted to follow it up just in time for Valentine's day. Yep. Just cuz. And before we get started,

I want to remind you that this is your moment to hit subscribe on whatever platform you're currently listening to us on. So whether that is YouTube or Facebook or Instagram or TikTok or any of the podcast situations that we are currently streaming on, please do so so you can be the first to be in the know when our episodes drop. Because I'm going be honest and tell you sometimes I don't know when they're going to drop either. Sometimes it's a surprise to me as well.

Welcome back to Main Event Mamas. Today we're talking about that really awkward space between, you know, childhood and adulthood, teenagehood, if you will. Because I definitely had the distinct pleasure of having an 18 year old and realizing that

It's just a number. It's very much just a number. And while we are grateful that he saw that number, little things like finding the laundry detergent, locating your keys, seem real difficult sometimes to kids that age. ⁓ And then we're going to get into Valentine's Day because you know what? Why not? You know what I'm This is just in time for y'all to... ⁓

Make smart choices.

Tanesha (02:53)
Wait, this is funny. Okay, so y'all don't even see how I see it. This is going like this. Oh, sorry. This is what happens when I'm really tired. So this is going like this. The trajectory, like you're up here, I'm in the middle, and then Kev is like.

just gonna be alone right now.

Kiara (03:07)
Anyway.

It is indeed.

Well, let's get started with a history lesson because I think we should talk about this because like who decided 18 was grown I want to find out so I did a little dig in for all of you. Are ready? For a long time in the United States the age of majority was actually 21 because it was based on the old English common law. The shift to 18 didn't happen because of maturity.

Tanesha (03:13)
Yep.

Kiara (03:37)
It happened because of war. So, the 26th Amendment in 1971, during the Vietnam War, the slogan was, enough to fight, old enough to vote. If the government could send a young man into combat at 18, they decided he should be able to vote and sign contracts. So we essentially picked an age, and by we, I mean, not we. Men. White men.

Tanesha (04:03)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (04:07)
old white men.

picked to age based on military logistics and political pressure, not when the human brain is actually capable of long-term risk assessment. So it's kind of weird to me, and you can tell me what you guys think about this, that we are holding our kids to a standard that was created in the 1970s, not our 2026 situation. So, oof, this was interesting to behold.

like for real? I had no idea when 18 became a thing and I don't feel like at 18 I nearly knew as much as I feel like these kids are expected to know now. Now I feel like they've experienced different things at younger ages than maybe we did so you would think that matures them and in some cases I think it would brush us down especially if you're like me and you're looking through colleges and you're like did you look this up?

When is the deadline? My parents didn't have to do that. Our parents didn't have to do that. You knew. You told them. You educated them. Whereas I feel like it's a little bit different.

So apparently, when your 18 year old comes to you, what's going on in their head is the amuck, I can't say this.

us as

Kevelyn (05:33)
amygdala

Kiara (05:35)
Yes, you said it! Excellent work, which is considered the gas pedal.

Tanesha (05:39)
⁓ no, I wasn't going to say it.

Kiara (05:43)
the gas is considered the gas pedal for emotions and rewards. It's fully floored, but the prefrontal cortex, which is the brakes for logic, is still a construction zone, which means this is why an 18 year old can be a straight A student, like this one, but still think it's a good idea to drive across three states on 2 % battery life without a charger.

Tanesha (05:55)
it.

Kiara (06:08)
Cause I definitely, he's not driving, but I definitely have had that conversation of why are you, why is your phone on 1 % and I can see it from here? Like, what's up with that? Where's your charger? Where is your expensive power bank? I don't know, somewhere in the house. that's my story. That's why I get to hear it. So all that to say.

Tanesha (06:21)
You

Kiara (06:34)
That's a problem, don't you think? Like, how are we expecting them to be fully reasoned adults at 18, when, like I just said, things are not biologically together yet? And there's obviously going to be differences based on social needs, right? And how you were grown and nurtured, nature, education, socioeconomic level. There's a lot of other contributing factors. So like,

How do you feel about that?

Was it shocking? Was it interesting?

Tanesha (07:10)
what the government said he ain't a goat.

Kiara (07:12)
Right?

Tanesha (07:13)
If I have to remind you to take a shower, if you're an adult.

Kiara (07:18)
feel like that's important. And accurate.

Tanesha (07:24)
And if I need to remind you that you need to wash the dishes. And to clean the bathroom yourself.

Kiara (07:29)
Or eat, for goodness sake.

Yes. Wash your ears. Any of those things that just don't make sense. You was in the shower, you just avoided them.

Tanesha (07:33)
boring.

Brush your teeth.

Kiara (07:42)
Yeah, I agree with you there. I think it's weird. And it was interesting doing this research realizing like this was just a military tactic. This had nothing to do with anything other than the military.

Tanesha (07:54)
It's easy for them to manipulate

them. It's easy to manipulate. Making them think that they have choices when they really don't. Like their choice doesn't matter.

Unless they want to punish you for it.

Kiara (08:14)
I that's one way to look at it.

Tanesha (08:18)
I mean, but I also feel like it's also, it has been such a common thing in society that when you turn 18, you can do stuff and say that you're grown. Like even like my oldest just turned 18. did a part, we did like a little party or whatever. And majority of the, his little sash that he did not wear, it says time to be an adult. Whoa.

Kiara (08:30)
Okay.

that he did not wear.

Tanesha (08:48)
Nope. Cause I was gonna put adultish. Cause you're not really an adult.

like I'm not gonna kiss you until you're 21.

unless you move out and you pay your own bills and you don't need me.

Kiara (09:03)
That.

That right there. That right there. I was gonna say what you just said. I don't know about moving out. I feel like I'm not gonna consider him an adult when he goes to college. Cause I'm sure it's gonna be mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I didn't do that by the way. But I know he-

Tanesha (09:22)
I did that

for sure.

but I also lived at home still. The same with that, I also still lived at home when I went to college.

Kiara (09:27)
except when I needed money.

I mean, to be fair, it was expensive. And like, we knew this going into this. And so like, I was working three work-study jobs, which should be illegal, by the way. And yet, I made no money. So I still needed money for laundry, food, you know. I don't know how I thought I was gonna survive that nonsense. That's also, I know how I wasn't fully formed at 18, because that's crazy.

Tanesha (09:59)
But they even saying our brain is not fully developed until we're 25.

Kiara (09:59)
I was just gonna be poor.

Yes, that's what we were just talking about because ultimately I think that's that to me Makes me think about like they said that 18 you're old enough to sign contracts and things like that You know, I've been watching a lot of people's court, right and how many 18 year olds in there do dumb things? Like you know what? I'm gonna need a phone. I'm a sign a phone

Tanesha (10:16)
L.

Kevelyn (10:19)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (10:25)
agreement, this is like the most common one I have seen, and then like, so you get somebody extra line, they don't pay it, and they always be 18, 19, and they like, yeah, I decided I ain't want the phone no more, or I decided I don't like her, and so like, I ain't pay the phone bill. And then the judge always says like, who you think was gonna pay for the phone? It like, it was a gift. And the judge inevitably goes,

Tanesha (10:44)
.

Kiara (10:52)
How is it a gift when you told this person that you were going to pay towards the bill and then you stopped? And every time this happens, because I don't know how many of these cases have seen a lot, I always think, don't trust an 18-year-old with a phone contract because I don't think they understand it's still a bill.

Tanesha (11:04)
you

Well, how about it?

Well how about let's not trust them with a credit card?

Kiara (11:16)
Amen. Okay? Ooh, girl. Because they really shouldn't have gave me one.

Tanesha (11:22)
They shouldn't have me I'm not gonna lie, I asked them not to give me one. Actually, I got one. I remember. Because they called looking for my mom. And I said, hey, she not here. I'm so sorry, I don't know. They're like, well wait, hey, are you 18? Yep. Do you want to open up a cre- And I was like, you could be added as her cosign. And I was like, huh, what?

Kiara (11:24)
At 18.

I think

I would have gotten murdered.

Tanesha (11:53)
I was like, hmm? And

I said, ⁓ okay. My mom was little, she was livid, because they also gave me, guess how much they gave me as a credit limit.

Kiara (11:58)
Whoo!

Too much money.

Tanesha (12:07)
way too much $4,500. Now going back when I was 18, do you know what you could get with $4,500?

Kiara (12:15)
Yes! I remember that credit card bill. ⁓ man, that happened.

Tanesha (12:20)
She

cussed them out once it came in the mail. And then she was like, who, what? Y'all called for me. How did, and then how did I get on this? How did both of them, how did?

Kiara (12:33)
I don't know because that's not supposed to happen.

Kevelyn (12:36)
That's not supposed

to happen. That sounds a little illegal.

Kiara (12:40)
Yes, yes. It sounds like you were part of one of those ⁓ big court cases. You could have probably got some money there. One of class action suits. Because I don't think they were supposed to do that.

Tanesha (12:41)
engine.

Kevelyn (12:54)
They were not. How are you just going to add somebody onto? Oh, all right.

Tanesha (12:54)
No, they weren't.

They just added

and sent me a card. That's how she found out. With hers. And she was like, what? And she custom out. That was priceless. Then I had to beg to get me a new phone and said, can I please use the credit card to get...

Kevelyn (13:04)
That's crazy.

Wow.

Tanesha (13:16)
Yeah.

Kiara (13:18)
Yeah, no, and this is why financial

education should be part of it.

Kevelyn (13:23)
I was literally just about to say that there are so many things that we are not taught and to expect an 18 year old to be able to navigate this world and be considered an adult I think is a little absurd personally but.

Tanesha (13:30)
Mm-hmm.

Kiara (13:32)
Yes.

And we have a hard time navigating this world. Hence why we talk about this all the time. So I can't imagine that it makes sense for them to be suddenly accountable for these things. But... Okay.

Kevelyn (13:45)
Exactly.

Tanesha (13:52)
And then two, they're also more

emotionally imbalanced. Let me explain why. Because now you have that in their heads and unfortunately in our community, you've grown, you've grown, you've grown. So now they're like, I'm 18, I'm grown. There's no consequences for me. I've grown. You look at them like, are you sure?

Kiara (14:02)
Yes.

Tanesha (14:22)
You I'm not gonna say I wasn't wild, but being a teenager and seeing, because technically you're still a teenager. You're just 18. Hence why he's 18. You're still a teenager. And the brain...

Kiara (14:22)
I got a class question.

Kevelyn (14:42)
Mm-hmm.

Tanesha (14:44)
These kids sometimes don't stand a chance.

Kiara (14:48)
You know, they do though. So this is where I want to get into this part because as I've been thinking about this, I've been wondering what can you do about this? You know, because we have this conversation a lot about my boy child and the fact that I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I failed a little, even though everyone I've talked to says, you know, you really didn't. He still likes you, like he's doing well. But I was like, does he have survival instincts? You know, and that there.

Tanesha (14:57)
Hmm.

Mmm, no. No.

Kiara (15:17)
Terrifies me a little. You know, just a little bit. Though I will admit that he's smart enough, he's cautious enough that I think that will make up for some of the things. But when it comes to the girl child, I'm gonna have other thoughts. know what I mean? Like we might need a lock and a basement or something because absolutely not. absolutely.

Tanesha (15:42)
Ma'am, no, you cannot say that out

loud. You can't say that out loud.

Kiara (15:45)
I mean, yes you can.

I mean, I don't think I'm gonna actually put her there. And even if I did put her there, I wouldn't be like those crazy, you know, whoever people. Yeah, not like that. Yeah, not like that. Okay, the stuff they was doing, that was crazy. First of all, I read that book. And then, and like the people in the attic, I read that one too. Like, no, everything about that, it's not gonna be like that. I was like, if I were to do something that insane, it would not be like that. But I wouldn't, because I would just feel like...

Tanesha (15:52)
Like didn't you hear the moving? I was locked in the basement.

Kiara (16:14)
How does that help anybody? And then I still got a feed hand closed. Nope. No, thank you. I guess, but I'm just saying I'm still concerned. So ultimately I was looking for what to do to help my 18 year old's brain start thinking about these things and get accountable and like work through these things. I came up with a few things. Love to get your thoughts.

Tanesha (16:39)
I want to know because I may need them.

Kiara (16:44)
that. And so the first thing is becoming a consultant for your child. So instead of being, you know, you move from really just kind of being the person that tells them what to do, you advise them. You consult, you teach, you coach. So it's called, the first tactic is called the power of a pause. And what that means is when your 18 year old comes to you with a crisis,

You wait 10 seconds before responding. And this forces their brain to keep working instead of relying on your brain to fix it.

I feel like I would need to wait longer than 10 seconds. Maybe 15, 20.

Tanesha (17:27)
may need to wait longer than that.

Kiara (17:31)
feel like 10 ain't long enough, because he's still the airway. He's patient. He'll be like.

Might need to be five minutes or so before he gives up on me.

Tanesha (17:42)
And when I do that, they're like, Ma, you don't hear me? You'd like...

Now you know how I feel when you don't be answering me when I be calling you.

Kiara (17:52)
on teenagers. So that's one way. I don't know. just that's the suggestion. I don't know. I think you just look at them quietly. I have no idea. I thought it was the weirdest option is why 10 seconds? Because I would be like, ahem. And then I thought about this.

Kevelyn (17:56)
So what do we do, just stare at them?

feel like it's going take longer.

Kiara (18:20)
Have you ever been in that position where someone did that to you? How did you respond?

Kevelyn (18:25)
Yes.

I started figuring it out for myself in the moment. It happened to me at work. I went to go ask my manager a question. ⁓ It was probably about, I don't know, it's over 10 years now, but I went to ask my manager a question and he just stared at me and I just started to out loud, figure it out. Like I started talking myself through it. He was like, you got it? You sure?

Kiara (18:35)
You

you

you

Kevelyn (18:58)
Okay,

cool. And I was like, I just figured that out on my own. You're right. I didn't need you after all. I think that's what it's supposed to do. But I think it only works if you know that they know the answer, but they're just coming to you for reassurance.

Kiara (19:05)
I'm not sure that would have worked for me.

Yes, see that I

think is where you're gonna run into things with the kids though because like you've always been there to answer their annoying questions, all of them. And even the non-annoying ones to be fair. Like you just answer questions and you always provide that kind of support. And so I thought about this. Now I'm gonna tell you how it goes because I'm gonna tell you this kid is way too patient. He'll just wait. He'll just sit and wait.

Kevelyn (19:23)
Yeah.

Kiara (19:44)
And even I've caught in the girl child doing this now. Sometimes I just don't want to answer the question. So I pretend I don't see them or I know like I hear it. I just be like, nope. ⁓ I'm sorry. Are you here? Why are you here? What are you sitting in here? And they just wait. And I was like, appreciate them getting my husband's ⁓ ability to wait for an answer. ⁓ However,

Kevelyn (19:55)
and

Kiara (20:11)
It's not gonna work in my favor. So I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not sure it's gonna work for me. What about you, Tanesha? Do you think it'll work for you?

Tanesha (20:19)
guess it depends on the kid because the 11 year old will keep saying my name until I answer him. He'll like, Mom. Mommy.

Kiara (20:32)
Does it

remind you of a puppy that keeps going until you're like... ⁓

Tanesha (20:37)
I don't know.

And then I'm like, yo, stop talking like that. Like, I just was trying to get your attention. know. I was ignoring you for a reason. But my oldest, well, I think what I've done too, and it may be similar to that, I more I ask questions. So they asked me a question. I'm like, what do you think? And he was like.

But I actually know, but I'm not asking you. What do you think about it? With the question you just asked me. What do you think I would say? And they just kind of like look at me like. Bye just.

Kiara (21:20)
thought you were

just doing that to me. was like, absolutely not.

Tanesha (21:25)
So like.

Kiara (21:26)
See how that

doesn't work for me?

Tanesha (21:29)
I'm

like, why? So then it does make them go either, I don't know, mom. I'm like, let's try to figure it out. Like even like with my girl child, her looking up definitions. And she's like, I can't find it. I said, really? Are you looking hard enough? Because I see it. And she goes, ⁓ there it is. I was like, just wanted me to show you versus you using your eyes yourself.

I mean, each child is different, but the one who I think this will not work for is the 11 year old. Yeah, nah. Nah. I may be in a straight jacket. I may be in a padded wall. Somewhere.

Kiara (22:04)
No, I'll just keep calling you.

Okay, I can't say what I was saying, but you can be in a straight jacket in a padded wall. It's okay. You know what? It's fine. It's fine.

Tanesha (22:14)
Because I said me, me. I wasn't putting nobody else in it. I wasn't putting nobody

else in it. I said me. I was gonna put me, because I'd rather be-

Kiara (22:21)
Okay.

Tanesha (22:21)
Didn't we say I wasn't

gonna drink Red Bull anymore? I don't understand what's happening.

Kevelyn (22:22)
Hey.

Kiara (22:25)
Second idea is the contract top. That's what it's called. So instead of house rules, try co-living agreements. It frames the relationship. Hold that thought in that face, okay? It frames the relationship as two adults sharing space rather than a warden and a prisoner.

I'm sorry, that was hard to get through.

No. just can't even. But you tell me if that's a no for you. I'm like, ⁓ still my house.

Kevelyn (22:58)
you

Tanesha (23:05)
No.

No, no. Like you will still help. The only difference is now that you will help in a way that you wouldn't normally help. So when it's time for you to go out there and live by yourself, you know how it is to pay bills. But you're still a kid. I mean, you're like, you're... You are a young adult. So you will have a...

Kiara (23:06)
This is a black person did not write this.

Tanesha (23:29)
I need to know where you are, where you're going, and who you with. And if the plan changes, you need to let me know. You will not change your location. I will always have your location. Like, these are the rules I already told him. yeah, nah. If you're still living here with me, I will need to know these things. Now maybe I will stop looking through your phone. I'm lying, I ain't gonna stop doing that until you're 21. Until you start paying the bill yourself. Yeah, nah. I'm gon'

I'm gonna need to know who you're talking to and where you're going and make sure nobody's... granted, I'll digress and see if there's things that I should not be seeing. But so far, I just... go. And look.

Kiara (24:08)
I mean...

So far, no?

That's nice. My kid's phone, I don't go in there because I'm good. I'm so good. What's going on in there? Those conversations, I never want to.

But I'm also grateful that he talked to his dad about that stuff and not me, because I'm not equipped to have those conversations.

Neither was my mother to be here. ⁓

Leave it up to her, she would've I got pregnant with a stork. I would've been like, babe. She would've been like, oof. That's why we don't want to tell her, because the look on her face, like, that meant you had sex? No. Nope. Nope. It was absolutely a stork.

Kevelyn (24:51)
You

Tanesha (24:58)
like, no, no, do you even see the movie?

We mailed it to the catalog.

Kiara (25:04)
It was like, you know, whatever that movie is where it

Kevelyn (25:04)
Wow.

Kiara (25:06)
came from the sky. They delivered it like a mail service. Yes, I thought.

Tanesha (25:12)
It was the stalk. I remember

I cried. I cried really hard. It was really bad. But anyway, I cried. I'm very emotional. But I cried. It touched my spirit.

Kiara (25:24)
Okay, Kevelyn, what about you? How about the house rules for living agreements? Sorry.

Kevelyn (25:30)
No,

no, no. I don't think that that's a good idea.

Kiara (25:36)
Warden and prisoner. Listen, you don't want to be a prisoner moving out.

Kevelyn (25:40)
Well, I don't really I don't think it has to be awarded in prisoner situation. still like I think that they should have I mean you can give them a bill as the responsibility something small as their responsibility and start going through like training them up in that way. ⁓ But I think that the whole like co-living

Like you're grown now, you can come and go as you please and all of that. I don't think that that's a good idea because they're just not ready yet.

Kiara (26:15)
No.

Tanesha (26:16)
No, because then you're have people up

Kiara (26:16)
No.

Tanesha (26:17)
in my house and then I'm gonna have to be like, what are you doing? you're like, I pay you rent. mm, no. Mm-mm.

Kiara (26:20)
You

Kevelyn (26:22)
No.

Kiara (26:24)
Though

technically again, the people's court, I learned a lot there. You get a rent, you can be a landlord, it's a whole thing. regardless of that, yeah, I don't think I could do it. But it reminded me of like growing up with dad and being like when I came home from college and he told me, he's like, yeah, you can always come home, but the door is locked.

And he was like, you will not be rolling up in here at no 3 a.m. So the door is locked at a certain time.

Kevelyn (26:48)
I

Tanesha (26:56)
Unless he knew about it, because I remember he was like, you need to tell

me where you're And when you expected to come home. That's what he told me. Especially when me and Kevin used to do. When me and Kevin used to... Yes, but even after that, I also had his car. So I had to tell him. Like if I'm like, hey, I want to go out. Like I want to go out.

Kiara (27:05)
No, I didn't tell him that at all. Well, that's because you took the underage one.

Yeah, I didn't have any of those things. He didn't ask none of those questions.

That's why I'm like, when I came home from college, I was with my homies. He was just like, you going? I was like to the club, cool. That was it. There was nothing further. But I also think I had that leeway because I lived at school. So he knew that I wasn't going to do nothing crazy. He knew I wasn't about to go missing. He knew I don't really drink. He knew these things. So it wasn't as though he was like,

what you gonna be up to. That's probably also why he didn't want me to live in New York. Because he felt like you might be a bad influence, perhaps. But also, if you put both of us together at that age, Lord help us. I'm not sure we would ever made it up.

Tanesha (28:00)
I guess

we would've. Don't do that, we've gone out plenty of times. And we made it home.

Why are you making a family phone? We did make a phone.

Kiara (28:07)
Again, as we discussed what

18 year old brains do, we've gone through that. We went out plenty of times, but don't think we went out plenty of times. Like 18 was a pretty focused year for me at school. So I'm not sure I did.

Tanesha (28:13)
Movie made it home.

Okay, well, 18, no. Because I also wasn't down there. I lived up here. That's when I was like 20, 21.

Kiara (28:27)
exactly.

Which I felt at that point, I mean, we were done. I mean, if I can go order, whatever.

But he still had that like no drinking and driving time and all that too. But it just made me think of that and I was like have I ever had a co-living agreement with anyone? Nope. When I lived in my mama's house when I was in my 20s, I didn't have no co-living agreement. It was her rules. We fought all the time because she's like you can't keep coming in here and you feel like it. And I would be like well, I mean I was doing that at college and she's like well then you probably should do that out of my house. Okay.

I do vaguely remember her kicking me out a couple times too because I just did what I wanted to do.

Tanesha (29:11)
I do remember when I stayed with y'all. I had to abide by rules too. And if I wasn't coming home, I needed to tell you so you could tell her that I wasn't coming home so she wouldn't be sitting there waiting up looking because she was sitting there waiting.

Kiara (29:28)
That's what she said. To be fair, I do think she probably did.

Tanesha (29:32)
I mean, but to be fair,

to be fair to her, her bedroom was by the front door, so we couldn't even sneak out either.

Kiara (29:40)
No, and

I can tell you a funny story of me coming home really drunk and falling up the stairs.

Tanesha (29:46)
Okay.

Kiara (29:50)
And what I tell you, she did not get out of her bed, but she had a whole conversation with me. And I was so drunk, and I was laughing so hard. And then I was like, up the stair, it was a hot mess. was like, she was like, the next morning she goes, you was drunk, was it you? I mean, I wouldn't say drunk, mom. I would say tipsy. And she goes, well, how many times did you fall down them days?

Kevelyn (30:04)
you

Tanesha (30:12)
Thank you.

Kevelyn (30:19)
You

Kiara (30:21)
And I was like, I didn't fall down, I fell up. Not down, once I made it upstairs, I made it upstairs. But definitely, she barely made it. She was just looking at me. So to tell you that cold, like that didn't work. Even as I got older, you just had to move. You wanted your own spot, you wanted your own rules. You can live there. So, mm-mm.

Kevelyn (30:32)
Thank you.

Kiara (30:50)
That was funny. I have no idea that really brought back old memories.

I hope she don't listen to this. I will not be clipping this at all. I will not be clipping this. Okay, so the next one is called a life skills audit. So this is a trend where parents are doing laundry and logistics. I gotta tell you this because I have to some further research. So I was like, what is a life skills?

Tanesha (30:57)
Mm-mm.

Kiara (31:21)
So you're think of this like a status bar for adulthood.

And adulting is a set of skills. So an audit is a non-judgmental sit down where you and your 18 year old look at the invisible infrastructure of their life. you look at these questions and decisions and you kind of help them. So for instance, the phone call boss, can they call a doctor's office and book an appointment without stuttering? I think I still stutter through some of that sometimes.

Tanesha (31:51)
no. Hell no.

Kiara (31:55)
The bot whisperer, can they navigate a customer service AI bot to get a refund? Can any of us do that? That feels like a failure.

Tanesha (32:01)
Absolutely not.

Kevelyn (32:05)
representative.

Tanesha (32:08)
Say it like five times, operator. Customer service. Anybody would chew.

Kevelyn (32:10)
Representative.

Kiara (32:18)
gotten really good at that too. Rep-a-sent-ative. Now. No. So yes, can they do that? Do they know where their social security card is and how to fill out a W-4? Again, I'm still not sure. I still have to look at how to fill out a W-4 every time. I do one. I think it's stressful. But I do know where my social security card is.

And I've had it. I will tell you, my mother handed it to me when I was 18. It was like, don't lose it. That's what it was. But I did not do that to my child. I let him see it. And I was like, I will give it to you the way that it was given to me. And my mom put that in my birth certificate in like this nice little packet that is a waterproof situation. And I have had it ever since. Whereas I don't have that for him yet. So I'm not just going to hand it him.

Because if you leave it to his father, he'll be taking it everywhere. And I was like, absolutely not.

Kevelyn (33:22)
You put that in a seat.

Kiara (33:24)
I

don't think you need your papers everywhere, but the state of this country, I mean, I don't know. Is he wrong? That being said, so that's another criteria. And then if a pipe bursts or the check engine light comes on, is their first instinct to call you or do they know the plan B?

Alright, sound off on this one.

Tanesha (33:50)
I mean, I feel like everybody's...

Okay, so I'm gonna say...

No, he does not have to fill out a W or whatever that is, because I don't know how either. I have to guess myself. He does, I think he has a Social Security. don't think he never gave it back to me. So he probably has it. ⁓

Kiara (34:01)
before.

Okay.

Tanesha (34:14)
but he cannot wash clothes. I mean, I've taught him multiple times, but he doesn't do it. refuses.

Kiara (34:22)
The one who doesn't shower too, right? See, that's terrifying. Okay, gotcha.

Tanesha (34:24)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Let's see. I mean, I started teaching him how to drive, but I stopped. That was like the tactic I was using for him to to school at the time. Then I stopped. So I think, but see, my first inclination is if my angel light comes on is to call somebody and not try to me.

Kiara (34:41)
and

And this is where I want to get to. That's my point. I'm pretty sure, except the only thing here that I am not going to be like, ⁓ is like the customer service AI bot. I was like, I still stumble when I go to the doctor's office because for what exactly? Wait, wait, because they always have new things that you have to do or say or find. And then you're like,

I'm calling my doctor, hold. If you wanna speak to your doctor, press one. But they're only available Monday through Wednesday. If you are calling after three o'clock on a Thursday, please hold for the nurse's line. Like, what? I was calling for one thing and I have been on the phone for two hours. So yeah, no, I feel like a lot of this is not as simple as it may have been previously. And then like if a pipe burst,

Or my check engine light on, I'm calling y'all because I gotta talk about... I gotta poll, and this is what I do try to teach them, is like, I like to poll the audience and be like, I need to phone a friend and I need to like, you know, hedge my bets. Essentially, I'm like, what would you do if your check engine light came on? And I'm pretty sure that's how my conversations are. So if you were me, exactly, what would you do next?

Kevelyn (35:51)
I'm

Kiara (36:18)
Like, I... I can hold you for that.

Tanesha (36:20)
I I would even get it.

Kevelyn (36:23)
No,

I was gonna say, I think that last one is kind of like maybe an unfair assessment because like you said, we as adults still phone a friend. Like Piper's, like we all don't know what to do. So no.

Kiara (36:32)
A pipe burst.

Tanesha (36:38)
Do I call a plumber? Do I

call the... Do I call the...

Kiara (36:43)
be like help me!

Kevelyn (36:44)
Well, first

of all, you gotta turn the water shut off. ⁓

Kiara (36:46)
Thank you,

she know. That's why she on the call list.

Tanesha (36:49)
Yes, but I'm saying, but like where is it?

Kevelyn (36:49)
Like...

Nah, I gotta help you find it.

Kiara (36:56)
See, I wouldn't be that

kid. I would have been like, as soon as she said turn it off, I'd have been like, I think it's underneath. I'm gonna give you something. But also you got that expertise, to be fair.

Tanesha (37:01)
you

Kevelyn (37:02)
Whatever Right ⁓ So I think that's a little unfair though for 18 That's true.

That is true. I'll give you that not everybody has that right so Yeah, that's a little unfair

Tanesha (37:14)
in.

Kiara (37:15)
Nope. Nope.

Is that check into the light? Girl, I was in 911 emergency when that thing came up. What do I do? Should I keep driving? What do I do next? And I vaguely remember this one. This one. Tanesha being like, keep going.

Tanesha (37:28)
Is it safe? Is the car gonna blow up?

Kevelyn (37:32)
Isn't car gonna work?

you

Kiara (37:40)
So that helps.

Kevelyn (37:41)
You know what? I probably would have brought it to

like an auto zone that asked them. My check engine light came on, what do I do? ⁓

Tanesha (37:47)
Yeah, but you gotta pay for that. But see, that's

the thing, right? So then the next question is, it cost money? And I literally... Like...

Kiara (37:56)
There you go that that

is the problem you understand like How are you gonna expect to 18 year old to know any of this? We're all sitting here like would do what would you do?

Kevelyn (38:01)
Yeah.

Tanesha (38:09)
What do you do when your car

sensor is actually wrong and it's not the right one? It's done that a couple times with my tires. It'll tell me it's the front tire and it's not actually it's the back tire. When people get the front tire like it looks fine, I don't know.

Kiara (38:14)
Talk about it.

Yeah, that's my husband's problem. His sensors be. And then I'm like, how much does it fix the sensor? 200, nevermind. Nevermind, old bet. My next question is, will it pass inspection? That's what I need to know. That's it.

So I think you guys are right. All that to say.

Kevelyn (38:37)
Bye-bye.

Kiara (38:40)
I don't think a lot of us people who are much older or slightly ⁓ older than 18 are capable of answering all of those questions. So I think you're right, Kevelyn. Some of that is a little unfair. And seriously, that W-4, I still have a hard time. Like, are you serious? How many deductions? And I vaguely remember being taught how to do that, and it was very wrong at 18.

Kevelyn (38:57)
Thanks.

True.

Tanesha (39:05)
I

just put zero. I take all the taxes out now so you can give it back to me later.

Kiara (39:12)
Yeah, that's where we are now, but we wasn't there for a while. Because my tax person said to stop, see, nah, see, I'm not even gonna get into all of it. The point was, now let's talk laundry and logistics boot camp, because again, stuff I ain't never heard. I gotta find out this is a book or something, because I got questions. This is about transparency. So,

Tanesha (39:17)
I mean, I will say, but anyway.

Nah, I'm done.

Kiara (39:38)
The concept is you aren't doing chores together, you're opening the opportunity for them to do it. So the next time you have to do something boring, like paying the electric bill, arguing with a health insurance rep, or even just renewing your car registration, call them into the room. And it will work because most young adults have adulting anxiety because the process is invisible. They don't see it, they don't experience it. So they only see the results, like your lights stay on, you should pay the bill, or...

Not the effort it goes into like figuring out the portal to pay the bill and figuring out which card you gotta use because you know most lecture people don't let you use credit cards, it's a debit or it's a bank account. But will they know that? Nope. That's a whole nother thing. But letting them see you handle these things helps them understand that adulting is accessible and that they can do it. That's what you think about.

Tanesha (40:36)
⁓ I'm gonna say yes and no.

So I'm gonna say yes, they should see the transaction of happening online since everything is online now. It is not like the old way where you write in a checkbook, write it out, mail it, things of that nature. ⁓ And I did tell my Otis that that is going to be the bill he pays, his electric bill, whenever he gets his job because he likes to turn on that heating that he and keep it on all day or the AC and that be like.

That's your bill. So I told him I would teach him how to Use that portal when it's time so that he can see that his money is being paid And it's him doing it Now should I let him come listen to me while I'm talking to Some customer service rep who don't want to listen. I don't think so because that may not fare well

Kiara (41:10)
You

you

Tanesha (41:34)
I don't think they're going to understand the correct way to talk to somebody when they're not listening.

Kiara (41:39)
argue my kids say that

I work magic every time they're like mom you always win I do ⁓ but that doesn't mean they're gonna win so I don't really know that that's something you teach them. You gotta learn how to play the game so you win. You win or you lose. what But you gotta learn to play.

Tanesha (42:02)
What'd you ⁓

Kevelyn (42:06)
⁓ I think it's a good idea, honestly. Because I think that that's a lot of what we were not taught. Like the ins and outs of paying bills and writing a check and knowing payment, seeing what that sounds like, right? Yeah, that's true.

Tanesha (42:18)
Mm.

Kiara (42:23)
and payment arrangements when you can't pay it.

Kevelyn (42:31)
⁓ Knowing you know how to enter your debit card or credit card into the system or how to do it online ⁓ And I think that that's something that is Those are good skills to teach them that way they know how to do it when it's their time

Kiara (42:49)
Yeah, I agree with you. I do think after hearing this, not a bad idea. Boring. And I'm like, my girl child's gonna tune out, she ain't gonna hear nothing. And I don't know that he will either. Like, oh. I don't even think he listens when I'm doing stuff for him. You know what mean? So I'm like.

Kevelyn (43:09)
Yeah.

Kiara (43:11)
It's like, yeah, what, you finished? Like that's the extent of it. I did ask him one day, I was like, do you know how we got here in the car? Like, so you know if something were to happen, how to get home. And like, he did start paying attention after that. But where we stay now, you ain't walking, okay? This is not like Georgia, you are now walking. But I was like, do you least know the direction you need to go into to try to make it?

Kevelyn (43:33)
Right.

Kiara (43:41)
back to the house. He was like, I mean, maybe.

Tanesha (43:44)
I will say I feel like we, I think we've stopped doing that, memorizing numbers.

Kiara (43:44)
could be a problem.

they know my number is by heart. I drilled the answer.

Tanesha (43:54)
Let's see, I think I didn't. I I drilled the house number. So when I used to live with my mom, I drilled that, the house number. How to be able to get home, what's the address. And then once we came over here.

I don't think I initially I drove them with this address because I still wanted if they couldn't get here, at least they can get to my mom. But now that my mom's here, it's like, y'all know where y'all live at, Like I realized my girl, Charles, she memorized my number because she calls me from everybody else's phone, but her phone's locked. She'd be like, I need to.

Kiara (44:34)
That's

Tanesha (44:35)
I need to use your phone. Yeah, it's

Kiara (44:36)
a skill.

Tanesha (44:37)
a skill. Cause she... And then she was like, yeah, I have your number. I was like... I'm impressed cause I didn't teach you my number so you just...

Kiara (44:49)
mean, she just taking initiative in all sorts of ways this week.

Tanesha (44:52)
Which is cool, because I mean, that's good. That's good to know that you can call me from anybody's phone. Now granted, you need to know that I may not answer, because I may be like, who is this, and why are you calling me? Hence why she'll call me again, or she'll leave me a message. She's that smart, she'll leave message. It's your daughter. Okay, hi. How can I help you? Why are you calling me from somebody else?

Kiara (45:14)
Girl smart. ⁓

Tanesha (45:15)
with my 10 year old or the 11 year old, he has learned how to get home from school.

Kiara (45:21)
That's That's it.

Tanesha (45:23)
by himself. Well with me walking him through it, but not with me taking him. I took him one time by train and now he knows how to get home if he needs to and now he knows to get to school by himself. And I was like, look at you little pioneers. That's about it. So I think, I think if people don't do that, I know I need to go just make sure that they have

the numbers. I used to write it in their, like they used to have it, I used to have it in this car and put it in their bag so if they needed to know they at can pull it out. And I had like five different people numbers on it if they needed to call somebody. But I stopped doing that. Why? I'm not sure.

Kiara (46:06)
I mean, because the world these days is quite weird.

But no, I drilled them. Like, what's my phone number? What's my address? I will say the address thing is annoying to this day because now they're like, I think I asked them maybe a couple years ago or a year and a half. And I was like, you know where we live, right? And they were like.

No, I just was like, wow. Like you literally walk in the door. But no, what if you got to actually tell somebody your address and you're just like somewhere over there? Like what? So that, I drilled them after that because I was like, I'm not going to let you in the house until you tell me what the number is. That's crazy. Like what's your zip code? Why don't you know that? I knew all of that. I felt that was essential information.

Tanesha (46:32)
Do you at know how to get here? Do you at least know how to get here? Can you give people directions to get here?

I mean,

Kiara (46:59)
And I knew everybody, I knew at least three or four people's phone numbers, because you we didn't have phones back then. So you need to call them from the pay phone.

Tanesha (47:08)
sometimes collect. ⁓

Kiara (47:10)
I wasn't gonna say it, but yep. Definitely called to it.

Tanesha (47:14)
And then say,

and sometimes say everything in that collect message. This is, I'm still outside. I'm still outside. I'm over here. And then it'd like, it, or it'd be like, is it okay if I can still stay out past three lights? Say yes or no.

Kiara (47:19)
Yes, you have a message from, I'm stuck outside. Like exactly, stuck outside. know where McKee, you need to come home right now.

Kevelyn (47:36)
⁓ wait.

Kiara (47:39)
Okay, I'd never call for that because I would have got cussed out. No, and my grandma always, my grandma would take, she would accept the collect call, but then she'd be mad. She'd be mad at your call collect. See, they will never know the fun of payphones, you what mean?

Kevelyn (47:43)
Call me to ask me, you stay out longer?

Tanesha (47:57)
I think they were always mad with the collects unless they said yes. this wasn't even an emergency. You making me...

Kevelyn (47:57)
I know.

Kiara (48:01)
you

Well, you call the safety company outside. don't know. At least I had an emergency. I'm stuck outside. I don't got no money. Like, I can't get home something. Oh my God.

Kevelyn (48:17)
of importance.

Tanesha (48:17)
Yeah.

No. It was never that.

Kiara (48:23)
Okay, anyway. So I feel like these have been some pretty useful. I'm gonna have to test them out. I definitely encourage you to also test them out and then we can tell them how it works, because I have a feeling some of this won't be successful. But I definitely think the laundry and logistics boot camp is something I wanna try. And then also have them start doing these things of like, can you schedule a doctor's appointment? Can you check in?

to the doctor,

Alright, now we can talk Valentine's Day because, you know, it's time to get in love and adulting because, you know, F these kids right now. That's a lot. It's a lot to figure out with these teenagers. I need help. need help. Lord. But. ⁓

Kevelyn (49:14)
I'm about to pray.

Kiara (49:19)
Well this is what happens when you're in the late night recording. You're welcome. You always wonder why some of these be crazy episodes. It's why because you know it's late. She's high on sugar. I'm tired so I'm just high on life. Here we go. Anyway, so here's the truth of the matter. What we do know is that Valentine's Day has kind of become a bit of a hallmark situation, right?

But it can be a pretty high stakes holiday for lot of relationships.

So I wanted us to just take a moment to start at the beginning, because I also did research to find out what Valentine's Day was originally about. Did you know it was actually a rebellion? St. Valentine was executed for performing secret marriages after the emperor banned them. So it started as a day for brave commitment and not just candy.

Again, not hiding your boo thing, but literally getting out here and marrying them in the open.

Tanesha (50:31)
Mmm. Out of the closet so we say speak.

Kiara (50:36)
So I thought that was interesting. I always wondered what it was about and I feel like I didn't know.

Tanesha (50:37)
Mm.

Kiara (50:42)
for whatever reason. I don't feel like they shared that information. And I just felt like it was also drilled into us at a young age, right? Like we had those little Valentine's Day cards that our parents had buy us from the store. I'm so glad I don't have to do that. And you would have to seal them with candy or whatever and have them pass it out into whatever, some special bag, and they would come home with it or not. And then the kids would be all emotional.

I'm just glad that phase is over because it really sucks. But I think this is opportunity to tell folks some fun stories.

Tanesha (51:22)
depends on what story we're telling.

Kiara (51:27)
I warned you, so it is what it is. It's what it is. So, let's talk about your best gift.

Who wants to go first?

In case you need ideas out there, you're welcome.

Tanesha (51:43)
Go ahead, Kevelyn Tell us your best one.

Kevelyn (51:47)
just gonna tell you a one because they were pretty dope ⁓

Tanesha (51:49)
⁓ excuse

me.

Kiara (51:55)
Wait, what? Apparently we're doing it wrong.

Kevelyn (51:57)
gonna be honest.

Tanesha (51:59)
Clearly, clearly, clearly.

Kevelyn (52:03)
No,

Real talk though, I'm really thinking through all of these. Sorry, I'm trying to think through all of these dadgongs. don't know, there's a lot of them.

Kiara (52:04)
Okay, let's stay focused.

Tanesha (52:13)
Well give us a top five. mean, let us us us sit here and bask in the I know I'm like let us bask in this because I don't think I got any.

Kiara (52:15)
You know what saying? Hold that thought, sis. Wait a minute. I'm so glad you have so many to choose from.

Kevelyn (52:25)
Well, one thing that the man

was, he was good at, he was good at that part. I'll give him that. ⁓

But okay, so.

Let's see if I had to think about the best one. Honestly, it was something he made. ⁓ It was a shadow box and it was it had the day that he proposed. It had the day that we got married and it had the day that we met. It had the actual dates and it had the pictures. For each one.

That was probably the best gift he gave me.

Tanesha (53:13)
so thoughtful.

Kevelyn (53:15)
I know.

Kiara (53:16)
Dang. I'm like, geez, we should have let you go last.

Tanesha (53:20)
I don't think...

I know, I'm like, I don't think we can top neither one of these.

Kiara (53:25)
None of the above.

Yeah, I don't. I don't got nothing like that. Now I'm like, do I even want to tell this story? ⁓ Next time you go last, okay? Because, Sheesh. You want to go to these show what you got? Okay.

Tanesha (53:34)
I don't got none.

Well, I'm gonna... Hold on, wait. Here we go. Hold on, I'm about to make you feel better. As an adult, none.

Kevelyn (53:42)
Thank you.

Tanesha (53:50)
There's none. As an adult, none. Zero. And nothing. Zero. Nobody. Nothing. Nope. Yeah. But in fairness, for a period of my life, I wasn't even celebrating that. It was like,

Kiara (53:52)
None?

Yeah.

Zero. No one. Okay, they need to step it up.

Tanesha (54:10)
It's okay. You don't have to. No worries.

So.

Kiara (54:18)
Fair.

Tanesha (54:19)
Now, I'm like in between like, do I really want to celebrate Valentine's Day? Is it really important? Or is it not? My last Valentine's, that went to shit, so.

When I actually cared. When I cared. It did kinda much shit. So I don't know.

Kiara (54:34)
cheap.

Okay.

I mean, okay, anyway, I can tell you. I'm not a big Valentine's Day person. So, I'm trying to think. The best, I was like, as a teenager, I got some great, great stuff. Yeah. Got some really great, I got a bomb necklace. I got lots of toys. Like, as a teenager, it was fire.

Tanesha (54:59)
If I'm saying as a teenager, I can be like, yeah, I got freaking roses. had the... I had a necklace that was hidden in the roses. ⁓

Kiara (55:11)
⁓ as an adult, I'm like, I don't think like, huh?

Tanesha (55:12)
a lot of noise.

time out. Toys? Hello. Don't

drive past that. You said toys? What kind of toys? ⁓

Kiara (55:21)
Like, ⁓ teddy bears. That's

my toy. Not those kind of toys. Teddy bears.

Tanesha (55:28)
Okay, cuz you just like how you said I was like what what do you mean anyway carry on

Kiara (55:31)
She's taken it to a place as usual. I

was a kid, so was definitely a teddy bear. In fact, that my daughter still has to this day. And I named it, ⁓ I forget, I'm not gonna tell you when I named it, because then you'll find out who gave it to me. But, ⁓ she still has it to this day. I would like give them all my, I name my teddy bears after the people who give it to me. So it's either the teddy bear's first name or last name.

Tanesha (55:42)
Hmm.

Kiara (56:00)
And then the occasion, for instance, I might name it Dusty Christmas or Halloween Michael or something. So I would like name it something that was like memorable. So I remember how I got it. There you go. Okay, let me think. I'm like, I got a lot of stuffed animals.

I'm like, I definitely didn't get anything like that shadow box. I'm having thoughts and feelings over here. Like maybe somebody needs to step up their work here. ⁓

Tanesha (56:35)
Yeah, I'm pretty

sure, I mean, we might just let her give us all the answers, because I mean...

Kiara (56:38)
I got roses, you know what I'm Like, I got roses.

But again, first of all, this is an ongoing joke in my house because first of all, my husband never actually gets it on the day.

No. And I was like, do you just wait for the sales? He never gets it actually on Valentine's Day. But he'll get me like the chocolates. I was like, yeah. I mean, what I did start doing though, yes, it is. But I will say, ⁓

Tanesha (56:59)
I mean that's smart. That's smart thinking though. But that's smart thinking.

Yeah, get it for 95 % off.

That's a smart idea.

Kiara (57:21)
Yeah, was gonna say, I haven't gotten anything that was super, super amazing, but I definitely think when we were first dating, I didn't expect him to get anything, because we were just first dating or whatever, and he gave me a stuffed animal. And I kept that thing for years, it was so cute and weird. It was the weirdest looking thing.

ever seen in my life. It didn't even look, it was not a bear, it was like some alien looking thing. I don't even know what it was. But I loved it because he remembered and he it to me. But after that, nah, we really don't do a ton of like Valentine's Day stuff. And also I've gotten to the habit now where I also like to buy stuff after the holiday because it's cheap. It's cheap.

Alright, worst gift or misconception.

Nothing? Okay,

Tanesha (58:22)
I I could share this, but then that's giving them way too much into my personal business. I think this time I'm going to like reserve. Just know my last Valentine's went to shits. And I got a gift that I was not expecting.

Kiara (58:34)
Thank

yes, never mind. ⁓

Tanesha (58:43)
Hmm.

Kiara (58:45)
Jesus, this is tragic. I should have rethought this segment. Okay, ⁓ Anyway, I'm trying to think the worst gift I got. I'm like...

Tanesha (58:54)
just saying. Now I wish this wasn't a Red Bull.

Kiara (59:03)
I don't think I've gotten any worse gifts. love like, I just wish there was more thoughtfulness. Like for me, letters and stuff like that, like those matter more to me than like, like I do cards and stuff. Like I'll write you something. ⁓ So I'm like, I haven't had any worse gift, I guess, because I'm like, maybe the years he don't get nothing. I guess that's like the worst gift. But then my husband's crazy generous, so he'll like,

Tanesha (59:09)
Yeah.

Kiara (59:33)
spend a grip on something that I never even imagined. Like, why did you do that? Why'd you spend all that money on this thing when I actually wanted that thing? So yeah, was like, can't think, I don't have a worst gift except maybe the years when I get nothing. But then, like I said, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, but.

Tanesha (59:52)
Hmm.

Kiara (59:57)
my daughter does. And so as a result, it gives me a wonderful occasion to be like, did you forget this day? Even though I know, you know what Like I know that this is inevitably I get all my gifts after the holiday. So it's always fun to be like, did you forget again? He's like, wait a minute.

Tanesha (1:00:06)
Me too.

Kiara (1:00:24)
Like you see his eyes contracting like am I in trouble? Like I'm scared. Like you can sleep down here with the dog like oh my gosh but I don't need it. say yeah. I was like mm I can't think of you know what that's a good I'm gonna complain because I'm like listen I hope you guys have a plan this year but I'm gonna put money on we gonna be upstairs watching a movie or something. That's what I'm put money on. What you got?

Tanesha (1:00:54)
So now, Keveline, after you told us that you have too many to pick from for the good times, was there any bad valentines?

Kiara (1:00:59)
laughter

I'm done with you.

Tanesha (1:01:09)
I'm just saying, you know, she was going through the catalog. She was like, hmm, let figure out which one was good. That's what I'm just saying. Which one was bad?

Kiara (1:01:16)
If you

were, I'm a little jealous. like, wait a minute. Listen, can I be love bombed? Can you give me lots of stuff? Like, please?

Tanesha (1:01:20)
I would mean why I am. You know, a little jealousy here, know, a little enviness. I'm just saying.

Can I get like a shadow box? Tell me how much you love me.

Kiara (1:01:32)
I'm

Tanesha (1:01:35)
Tell me how much I mean the world to you. Why? You know? Bear your soul. Just give me one day of soulness.

Kiara (1:01:40)
I'm done with her.

Not your catalog though. She's like, I was like, she's gonna pull out the rolling X.

Kevelyn (1:01:49)
and it.

Tanesha (1:01:49)
I'm just saying. was like, hmm. She was like, here you go. Here's the roller. Let me see.

Kevelyn (1:01:54)
Thank

Listen, it was,

Tanesha (1:01:57)
Which one out of these were the best?

Kiara (1:01:58)
⁓

Kevelyn (1:01:59)
it was, it was, it was good stuff.

Kiara (1:01:59)
our baby sis is truly loved, okay?

Tanesha (1:02:02)
Man.

Kevelyn (1:02:06)
I don't have a bad gift year.

Tanesha (1:02:09)
I bet you don't.

I bet you don't. I bet you don't.

Kiara (1:02:14)
You know what? Never mind. I never should have done that segment. It's too close to Valentine's Day. My bad, because here's the thing. Does Valentine's Day actually...

Kevelyn (1:02:15)
Thank

Tanesha (1:02:17)
you

We got one who's really loved.

We got one who's love, love, loved. Got people fighting over. Then we got the other one over here where they are content with getting discounted things. And me, you know, no one loves me. I am not worth not a darn thing. If I want flowers or anything, I'm going to buy it by myself and be like, look, I love myself.

Kevelyn (1:02:40)
Stop it, that's not true.

Kiara (1:02:44)
Why is she like this? That's a false.

Kevelyn (1:02:48)
That's not true.

Kiara (1:02:50)
You know, clearly we just need

to buy her Valentine's Day presents. think that's just what, I think, Kevlyn, that's what we're gonna have to do because she feels like nobody listens. I mean, cause that's crazy. ⁓

Kevelyn (1:02:54)
Yeah.

I mean, you know, we just got to fix this. Okay.

Tanesha (1:03:00)
Like, no one loves me. Like, I don't have a Rolodex

and like, look at all the great things I've gotten for Valentine's Day because someone loves me to death. ⁓

Kiara (1:03:12)
Listen, okay, it's it's but hold because this is an important part. Does Valentine's Day actually matter? Like here's the thing, is it really a test?

Kevelyn (1:03:13)
Okay.

Tanesha (1:03:14)
I'm a

little jealous.

Okay.

Apparently, yes.

Kiara (1:03:29)
Shush. Is it a test of the relationship or a moment and just a fun excuse to hang out?

Kevelyn (1:03:31)
you

Kiara (1:03:39)
Because apparently you're saying yes, but I'm like, Valentine's Day is just so inconsequential to me because we spend the other days together. So I'm like, I feel like I get loved all the time. So I don't know that one day out the year should be like, the moment to kind of do the most. Because then it also makes me wonder, are you doing this because you mean it? Are you doing it to like, prop up your own ego?

Because maybe, you know what mean? I feel like if you really love me, then you spend the rest of the year. And it should not be necessarily the most important day of anything. Now my birthday, now that's a whole nother situation. But Valentine's Day, like, can we have pizza, sit here and chill? Thanks. You want to make me happy? Don't make me cook. Here you go. Don't make me cook.

Kevelyn (1:04:35)
There you go.

Kiara (1:04:39)
That's thoughtful.

Tanesha (1:04:40)
I mean, to be fair, no. I mean, if you're being loved properly throughout the whole year, then no. It's just a day. But sometimes when you're being loved properly, Valentine's Day is like a celebration. Clearly, to our sister who gets a Rolodex of greatness.

Kiara (1:05:05)
She's doing the most over here. Let it go. Do like Elsa. Breathe it out. Let it go. Freeze those emotions, okay? It's gonna be okay. We're gonna make sure you're appreciated moving forward.

Kevelyn (1:05:08)
Yeah.

Tanesha (1:05:09)
I'm letting it go.

I'm freeing them. I mean, it's so touchy. It's literally two days. It's

two days. To the day.

Kiara (1:05:22)
I mean, if we had known before two days of that you never got good bell testing, I feel like we might've stepped it up. At this point, I don't get paid to the 14th.

Tanesha (1:05:30)
But it's not for y'all to stamp it up. I ain't never relationship with y'all.

Kevelyn (1:05:37)
You know what? You know what? ⁓ To answer the question.

Tanesha (1:05:40)
It's time for me to go to sleep. It is past

Kiara (1:05:41)
is crazy.

Tanesha (1:05:43)
my bedtime.

Kiara (1:05:45)
This is crazy.

Kevelyn (1:05:45)
I think that

Tanesha (1:05:46)
Yes.

Kevelyn (1:05:47)
to some people, the holiday is just a fun time to show the person that you love even more attention. Just because it's fun, right? It's what it's supposed to be. A fun time where you just set time apart to just spend together. But it doesn't have to be gift giving. I mean, it could just be chilling. It could just be like you said, kind of watching a movie. It could be...

you know, some type of active service that you do for that person. It doesn't necessarily have to be gifts and as long as you're spending it together, I think that's really all that matters.

Kiara (1:06:27)
I definitely agree with you.

Tanesha (1:06:29)
I

mean it's true, but if we were all, we've all used to work in corporate or office like things, and those things matter. When you watch other people get things, you'd be like, where's mine? Where did you? Someone must have got mine somewhere. And then you're like me, who may order yourself something in pretend it's from somebody else.

Kiara (1:06:47)
you

Well, that was a moment. I don't... ⁓

Tanesha (1:06:54)
I did that many many months

ago, not recently.

Kiara (1:07:00)
will say, my auntie used to do that. She would buy like big things and send it to my job because she just loved me. And it would say it was from her. Like it wouldn't just be like, and she'd like, I love you. And so it would just come in the office. So I thought that was really sweet. Still always meant the world. I was like, that's so sweet. And it would be huge. They're like, is this from a man? Nope, it's from my auntie.

Kevelyn (1:07:16)
to see.

It is. That's what's up.

you

Kiara (1:07:27)
I'm her only niece, therefore yes. It's just, just smart.

Tanesha (1:07:32)
Wait, can

I tell y'all a funny story?

Kiara (1:07:34)
Oh God. I don't know. I don't know.

Tanesha (1:07:37)
So used to work for 1,800 Flowers. And it was very busy around this time of year. And I remember a guy called to make sure his girlfriend and his two side pieces got flowers. That was the most funniest thing I've ever experienced on the phone. And I was like, he's like, so I have another order. And I was like, oh, for the same person? No, no, we're going to send it to da-da-da-da for this person over here.

Kiara (1:07:40)
⁓

Tanesha (1:08:03)
Okay.

Kiara (1:08:05)
least they were

getting shown proper attention.

Tanesha (1:08:07)
He was, cause he was like,

and then the messages were like weird. One was like, love you. The other one was like, see you later tonight. And the other one was like, I forgot what else it was. And I was just like, okay, do you need to, and then when we were about to end, I do you need to add anybody else? He goes, no, that's it. And I was like, Well, you enjoy. He's like, so it's gonna be there on Valentine's day? Yeah, it should be there.

Kevelyn (1:08:27)
you

Kiara (1:08:34)
You

Tanesha (1:08:36)
Maybe the day after, I'm not sure.

Kevelyn (1:08:41)
She's like, let me go ahead and delay this one day.

Kiara (1:08:42)
I'm done with you.

Tanesha (1:08:46)
I remember he did spend like money, but they but he did spend like money money on like two of them the other one kind of got like the Leftover I was like, yeah, you really don't love her

Kiara (1:08:50)
Or maybe let's make sure we switch it up and put different cards.

Kevelyn (1:08:52)
that you want to keep playing.

Kiara (1:09:02)
So you're like a tertiary

thought. Like that's horrible. I will say, like, I just remembered, like, I think I got, I'm pretty sure I got like a Kindle one time, like a Kindle like book, which made me happy. Like I was like, I feel like I've gotten some stuff, but like he bought me my first pair of really nice, you know what? I remember he bought me my really first pair. Remember those headphones that used to go around your neck and you used to put the little earbuds?

Tanesha (1:09:06)
Yeah.

nice.

Kiara (1:09:32)
in your ears. You got me that?

Tanesha (1:09:35)
Mm.

Kiara (1:09:38)
You know, I feel like, just forever ago, when you're together this long, you're like, know. It's like, chocolate's fine. I'm gonna hold you. Chocolate's great. Yeah, no need. So all that to say, Valentine's Day is what you make it, right? And maybe don't make it be the most important day in your relationship, because if that is, it may not be the relationship.

Tanesha (1:09:39)
Nice.

Mm. Mm.

Kiara (1:10:07)
or you may not be in the right relationship for your expectations. So as we...

Tanesha (1:10:16)
Or maybe

you're not the main one.

Kiara (1:10:20)
Why is she like this? I wasn't trying to say that, but yeah. Maybe if you don't see him on Valentine's Day and you see him after, I mean, perhaps that is a thing. I will say, at least I see him on Valentine's Day. And he spends the night on Valentine's Day. So then at least I know, like, my gift is coming, but here you are. know what I mean? I just want to clarify. You are here and not missing.

Tanesha (1:10:30)
Well, the day before. I'm just saying.

Mmm.

Kevelyn (1:10:44)
⁓ wow.

Kiara (1:10:45)
Because then

you know, you know, if you don't see your man in this Valentine's Day and LA left you with us with a phone call, I mean, this might be your moment to evaluate is that the relationship you should

same.

With that, we had a lot of fun today. even, I ain't gonna pretend this has not been really funny and editing this is gonna be an experience. So when I'm laughing into hysterics from my meetings tomorrow, just know I thought of both of you and that's why. But I felt like we talked the whole gamut, right? So we talked about how 18 is really not quite an adult. And then we got into, well,

Valentine's Day can possibly consider the Hallmark holiday or it can be the most important moment for you, but we've already discussed if that is you got some work to do internally as well.

So, with that, we want to remind you that, you you want to hit subscribe or whatever place you're currently listening to us. And so you can listen to more of these hilarious conversations and stories because Tanesha was on once. And I was not even prepared for where we took all of these things. But apparently, Kevillid, we have work to do as well.

to make sure she feels loved and cherished on Valentine's Day. And perhaps we'll just sign it someone else's name. I don't know. But we will figure it out for you because we love you. And I also think this is a good opportunity to remind you that you can celebrate Valentine's Day with your gals, with your friends. You don't have to have a love that is romantic to feel appreciated and valued.

Kevelyn (1:12:18)
you

Kiara (1:12:38)
I did you know there was a time where we would get Valentine's things for our kids over like little cute school hearts and

Tanesha (1:12:44)
I know, I think I'm do that this

year.

Kiara (1:12:48)
So I'm just saying, it can be like true love and not necessarily romantic love too. And so Tanesha, where can they listen to us? If you enjoyed today's conversation and avert laughter, because I don't know how many times we stopped breathing throughout this, but go Tanesha, where can they listen to us?

Tanesha (1:12:58)
Yep.

Well, you could be listening to us on iHeartRadio, on Amazon Audible, Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube Music, and YouTube. I think I said everything, right? That's what we're on. We're on everything else, right? But you could also follow us individually.

Kiara (1:13:32)
You guys find a time?

Tanesha (1:13:37)
me, Tanesha, underscore mama pod on TikTok and Instagram, Kiara at Kiara mama pod, no space, no score, act on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And you can follow her on X or Twitter.

Kiara (1:13:53)
and you're not scoring, so no need to get excited.

Tanesha (1:13:57)
Wow, okay, that's why we went there, okay? ⁓ You can find her as contactvixxing on Twitter. And, Kevlyn, you can't find her, so don't look and don't ask about her information because we ain't gonna give it to you, okay? Yeah.

Kiara (1:14:01)
So, try to help you. Just try to help.

you

Tanesha (1:14:21)
Sorry. I'm Big Siss over here. I'm protective. You ain't gon' her. Don't ask.

Kiara (1:14:27)
Okay, so we want to say, we're not new to this, even though it might feel like that right now. We're not.

Kevelyn (1:14:30)
All right.

Tanesha (1:14:37)
I promise you or not, we're so true to this.

And this was Main Event Mamas at night. Because that's the only way you're get this craziness. See you later!

Kiara (1:14:44)
All three of us. That's right. Real late. See you next time.